Complicated
by idoodle
Summary: [Spashley] Future fic. Summary listed inside.
1. One

Author: Ashley (idoodle)  
Rating: PG-13 to R  
Disclaimer: With the exception of Jenna, Corey and Topher, the characters in this story belong to The-N.  
Pairing: Spencer and Ashley, eventually.  
Summary: Ashley and Spencer broke it off in 2008, after two years of dating. Now, it's 2012; a 22-year-old Ashley and her roommate, Jenna, are looking for a third person to split their rent with. They settle on a young college student, named Corey. But things get complicated when Ashley meets Corey's girlfriend...

**Complicated.**

1:

Sunlight slanted through slits in the blinds, coloring the room's pale walls a soft blue. Ashley grimaced, and screwed her eyes shut. _Shit. Too bright, too bright, too bright._ Prying open one lazy eye, she looked at the digital clock sitting on the night stand. _9:13._ She sighed, and with both eyes closed, sank back into the comfortable pillow top mattress.

Minutes later, the bed shifted and an arm was draped across her abdomen. Her eyes fluttered open again. Tufts of blond hair lay scattered over her pillow. She lifted her head, checking if the woman was awake or not. Once it was determined that she was still asleep, Ashley gently picked up the arm and laid it down beside the woman. Her head fell back into the pillow. _Is it Kerry?_ She started replaying the night before in her head, the parts she remembered at least, hoping the woman's name would come to her. _Or Terry?_ She shook her head. _No, Terry was the bartender._ She put an arm over her eyes, shielding them from the light. _I can remember the name of the bartender, but not the woman I brought home with me? Fuck._ She pushed the covers off her body and slipped out of bed.

She went over to her bureau, digging through the drawers for something to wear. After throwing on a pair of black cotton briefs and an old Pretenders T-shirt, she crept out of the room.

Padding barefoot into the kitchen, Ashley grabbed a clean mug from the dish drain and filled it with hot coffee. Then, she opened the refrigerator and removed the creamer from the top shelf. When she closed the door she noticed a message on the front in colorful letter magnets, which read: SEARCH FIN. She read it few more times, thinking that repetition would help her figure out its meaning.

"Nice underwear."

Ashley turned around and saw her roommate's boyfriend standing in the doorway. Topher was a good-looking guy: 5'11" with a nicely toned physique; short, bleached hair; beady, gray-blue eyes. His tan, chiseled features were rough from always being in the sun, making him look a few years older than he was, which was only twenty-five. "You too," she said, arching an eyebrow at his Ninja Turtle boxer shorts. "Michelangelo, seriously?"

Topher smirked crookedly -- hiding the snaggletooth in the left side of his mouth like he always did -- and looked down at his underwear. "What? He's the coolest one." Ashley just shook her head. "Okay then, who was your favorite?" he asked, while swiping the Froot Loops from the pantry.

"Raphael." She poured as much creamer into her coffee as she needed, then placed it back into the refrigerator.

"Raphael?" Topher opened the flap on the cereal box before his hand disappeared inside. "Raph's a rebellious ass." He paused. "No wonder he was your favorite, you're exactly alike."

The young woman flipped him a bird, while stirring her coffee with the other hand. "Hey, do you know what that's about?" she asked, motioning toward the fridge.

Topher munched loudly on the cereal as he read the message. "Uh, no. Ask Jenna."

Ashley rolled her eyes. She should've expected that kind of response. Topher wasn't very useful -- ever. But what could you expect from a twenty-five-year-old unemployed musician, who still lived with his parents?

After shoveling another handful of cereal into his mouth, Topher jumped up onto the counter top of the kitchen island, and swung his legs back and forth, while watching the brunette cradle her mug. "So," he started, clearing his throat, "what's her name?"

"Who?" she asked before taking a sip of coffee.

"The girl you brought home last night."

She leaned against the counter opposite the young man, and peered at him over the rim of her coffee cup. "How do you know I brought a girl home with me?" she questioned, with one eyebrow lifted curiously.

The light-haired man broke out into a big grin. "You left some evidence behind in the livingroom." He pulled out a black thong from the front pocket of his sweatshirt and spun it around on his finger.

Ashley set her cup down on the counter and made a grab for the garment, but Topher quickly yanked it up higher in the air, out of her reach. She released a frustrated growl before balling up her fist and hitting him in the gut.

"Fuuuuccckk," Topher gasped, bending over in pain.

Smirking, Ashley grabbed the thong off the floor, where it had fallen after the punch, and went back to her coffee. Topher slid down from the counter, holding his stomach, and quietly left the kitchen.

A few minutes later, Jenna came strolling in. Ashley was now sitting at the table eating a bagel with low-fat cream cheese. "Topher wanted me to come tell you that you are to meet him on the roof at three o'clock for a – and I quote – 'rumble'," Jenna said, using air quotes with the last word.

Laughing, Ashley said, "Finally. I've been waiting for this day."

Jenna went to the coffee pot and refilled her cup, using the rest of the coffee. "If you want some help kicking his ass, we can tag team. After three years of dating him, I think I deserve to get in on the action."

"For sure," the brunette mumbled.

Jenna walked over to the table, and picked up the thong with her thumb and index finger. "Is there a reason this is on the table?" she queried, scrunching up her face.

In mid-chew, the brunette replied, "Decoration." She swallowed. "It's kinda the focal point of the room, you know? After you walk in, your eyes go right toward it."

The redhead dropped the stringy piece of underwear into her roommate's lap. "I think it'll work better in your room," she said before taking a seat.

Ashley smirked and went back to her bagel, while Jenna talked about the new dance club her and Topher had gone to the night before.

Jenna was a petite little thing, standing at only 5'1", and had soft, smooth features. At the moment her short, spiky hairstyle was red, but it was dyed a different color almost every other week. Shielded by a pair of black Vera Wang frames, her eyes were light brown with gold flecks. Her clothing style, however, was a bit eccentric: vintage baby doll dresses with fishnet stockings and brightly colored pumps. It wasn't considered fashionable these days, but it didn't look silly on her -- it fitted her personality.

"Oh, did you see my message? The one I put on the fridge?"

"Yeah, I saw it when I came in," Ashley replied, flicking her gaze over to the message again. "I don't know what the hell it means though."

"Our search is over." Jenna grinned, getting excited. "I finally found us another roommate." They had been looking for a roommate for four months. Their last roommate, Lisa, had gotten pregnant and decided to move in with her boyfriend. Since then they hadn't found anyone that matched their criteria: female, nonsmoker, sane. The last being the most important.

"Really?"

"Mm-hm," the redhead said, while sipping her coffee. "Corey Fisk. She works with me."

"Have you mentioned her before?" she asked, thinking the name sounded familiar.

"Maybe, once or twice. She's kind of new to the shop."

"She doesn't have an annoying boyfriend that'll stay over here 24/7 and eat up all of our food, does she?"

Jenna rolled her eyes. "No, but she does have a girlfriend." She scooted away from the table and stood up, walking over to the sink. "I don't know a thing about her living or eating habits, though."

Ashley smiled. "So, she's a lesbian?" _Interesting._

"Yes. A lesbian with a _girlfriend_," the redhead said, stressing the last part of the sentence. "And, from what I can tell, they're pretty serious."

"Then why doesn't she just move in with her girlfriend?"

"I don't think they're _that_ serious yet."

Ashley swallowed down the rest of her coffee and got up. "When is she coming by?"

"I actually needed to talk to you about that," Jenna said, moving aside so the other woman could get to the sink. "She wants to come today, around noon-ish. But I need to go into work, so you'll have to be the one to show her the apartment. You'll be here, right?"

"I should be."

"Okay, great..."

A light-haired woman wrapped in a bedspread stepped into the doorway. She adjusted the blanket, pulling it tighter around her body, making sure it was covering all the parts she didn't want showing. "Uhh, hi." The two in the kitchen stopped talking and turned toward her, staring. "Morning." She smiled slightly at the woman near the fridge, then looked over at Ashley. "I, I can't find my clothes," she said, blushing uncomfortably.

"Oh," Jenna spoke up, "they're in the bathroom. When I woke up this morning, they were scattered all over the livingroom, and I'm kind of a neat freak, so I moved them in there."

Ashley slowly moved toward the blond. She wrapped her fingers around the front of the blanket and gave it a little tug. "C'mon," she whispered, one side of her mouth lifting into a sexy smirk, "I'll help you get dressed."

With one dark brow raised, Jenna watched the pair leave. "There goes number two for the week," she said quietly to herself, then started washing the dishes in the sink.

- - -


	2. Two

**Complicated.**

2:

Ashley's body was drenched with sweat and her breathing was coming out in quick pants. The muscles in her legs were burning from the one and a half hour exercise she had just put them through. She wrapped the front of her tank top around her hand and pulled it away from her sticky skin, letting the slight breeze in the April air cool her off.

When she finally reached her apartment building, she climbed the stairs, one by one, on wobbly, worn-out legs. At the third level, her floor, there was a young woman lingering outside her door. She had a round face, gorgeous blue eyes, and short, choppy blond hair. Her tan skin had a pinkish hue to it, giving her that 'just at the beach' look.

Ashley pulled the earphones out of her ears and dropped them against her chest, leaving the cord dangling from her neck. "Uh, hi," she said, moving toward her.

"Hi," the blond smiled, showing off a dimple in her left cheek. "Ashley, right?"

"Yeah... oh, shit. Are you Corey?" The woman nodded. "I'm so sorry. I went out for a run, and I guess I lost track of time," she apologized, shoving a hand into the front pocket of her running shorts for her key.

"It's okay; I just got here."

Ashley quickly unlocked the door and pushed it open, letting Corey through first. As she passed, Ashley's eyes traveled down her body. Corey had on a fitted brown polo shirt, khaki Dickies that were cutoff just above the knee, and brown Vans. _Cute_, the brunette thought. She wiped away a trail of sweat that was trickling down the back of her neck. "Ugh, I'm a mess," she grimaced, cleaning her hand off on the front of her top. "I'm sorry. Do you mind if I grab a quick shower?" She figured it was safe to leave the blond on her own for a while.

"Uhh, no. Not at all."

"It won't take me but a few minutes." Ashley moved toward the hallway, but turned around right before it. "Oh, uh, if you want, you can look around."

Corey watched the smaller woman disappear behind one of the three doors in the hall. The other two doors were open halfway. She could see that one was a bathroom and the other was an empty bedroom.

She shifted her gaze around the room she was standing in. Abstract art pieces hung on the off-white walls and funky, globe-shaped lamps graced the end tables. The convertible sofa and two chairs were a drab olive color, and neatly positioned around a black coffee table. The entertainment system was against a brick wall. It held a plasma TV, DVD player, and two video game systems. There were shelves on either side of the entertainment system filled with books, CDs, and DVDs. In one of the corners, there was a staircase that spiraled up to a door. She would have to ask Ashley what was behind that door later.

She moved on to the next room -- the kitchen. It was large and spacious, with an island counter in the center, and equipped with all of the necessary appliances. Including a small table and four non-matching chairs pushed underneath it.

After stepping out of the kitchen, Corey headed to the empty bedroom. On the way, she noticed a closed door behind the living room's brick wall and figured it was Jenna's room.

The rest of the apartment had hardwood flooring, but the bedroom was carpeted. It was a decent size, much larger than her old dorm room, and had a small walk-in closet. Also, there was a glass door leading out to a balcony. She walked over to it, opened the sliding door, and stepped out. That's where Ashley found her minutes later.

"What do you think?"

Corey turned and faced the freshly showered brunette, who was now dressed in a midriff top and short denim skirt. "It's great." She smiled brightly. "I love it."

Ashley grinned. "Love it enough to want to live here?" she asked, squinting her eyes from the sunlight.

The taller woman tilted her head, looking through the glass door. Her eyes darted from one point of the room to another as she pictured her stuff in it. "Yeah, I think so..."

For the next twenty minutes they went over expenses, then Ashley answered any questions that Corey had about the apartment.

"The staircase in the living room, what does it go to?"

"The roof."

"Really?"

Ashley nodded. "Do you wanna check it out?"

"Oh yeah," the blond grinned.

They left the balcony and walked through the apartment. When they reached the living room, Ashley ascended the stairs first. At the top, she reached up and pulled down the lock at the top of the heavy door before throwing it open.  
There wasn't much on the roof but a few chairs and a rectangular-shaped something covered with a blue tarp.

Ashley saw the blond eyeing it and decided to uncover it. She untied each corner and pulled the plastic covering off to reveal a pool table. They kept the tarp over it incase it rained, even though it hardly ever rained in LA.

"Do you play?" she asked, looking at the blond with a cocked eyebrow.

"Um, a little."

"Are you up for a game of One Pocket?"

"Sure, I've got time," the blond smiled, and reached for one of the cue sticks lying atop the table.

Ashley leaned over the table and began setting it up, while Corey applied a bit of chalk to the tip of her cue.

"So, you work with Jenna," the longer haired woman started. "Are you a hairdresser too?"

"Not yet," Corey replied. "I'm still in school."

"What do you do at the shop, then?"

"Different things like answering the phone, scheduling appointments, sweeping, and anything the stylists need me to do."

"That sounds... fun," Ashley added, sarcastically. She placed the cue ball in the other woman's hand. "You break."

Corey swept her bangs across her forehead, getting them out of her eyes, and put the cue ball in place on the felt tabletop. Chewing on her bottom lip, she leaned forward and lined up her shot. She called her pocket and made the break. "What do you do?" she inquired, straightening up.

"I bartend at The Radisson on week nights," Ashley answered, taking her turn. "And sometimes, on the weekends, I sing at local bars and clubs."

"You're not in school?"

"Uh, no. I tried the college thing for a while, but it didn't work out."

A ringing sound interrupted their conversation. Corey reached into her back pocket and removed cell. She looked at the screen, checking the Caller-ID. "It's my girlfriend," she said, lifting her gaze to Ashley.  
"Go ahead, take it. It's cool."

Corey pressed the green answer button and brought the phone up to her ear. "Hey Baby," she smiled, as she moved to rest against the edge of the pool table. "What's up?"

While Corey was on the phone, Ashley's eyes darted aimlessly around the rooftop.

"You remember that apartment I told you about? Well, I looked at it today, and I've decided to move in to it... It's amazing. I can't wait to show it to you." Corey paused, listening to her girlfriend speak. "I don't know, as soon as possible I guess..." The phone conversation went on for a little longer, then ended with an 'I love you, too'.

Ashley smiled at the blond as she put the cell back into her pocket. "How long have you two been together?"

"Um... four months." Corey smiled big. "I've never been with anyone like her before. She's really special."

"Sounds like you got a good one. You better hold on to her."

"Oh trust me, I will."

After that they went back to their game.

- - -


	3. Three

**Complicated.**

3:

Spencer walked around to the rear of the SUV and opened up the hatchback. Sitting alone on the floorboard was her leather camera bag. She pulled the bag towards her, unzipped it, and, carefully, removed the Rollei she had brought along for the photo shoot. The vintage Rolleiflex Twin Lens was one of her favorite cameras. Working with one made a long photo shoot, like the one she had scheduled today, a little less tedious.

With the camera strap over her left shoulder and the bag strap over her right, she stepped back and reached up, pulling the heavy car door closed. She turned around and, through the grey lenses of her sunglasses, scanned the beach below. Three women, models, clad in designer beachwear were getting their makeup and hair touched up at the shoreline. Spencer walked down, checking her wristwatch on the way. She was running a few minutes late, but she wasn't too worried, the models were never ready on time.

She greeted the crew, apologized for her tardiness, and briefly talked with each of the models.

"We've got about an hour before we start losing light," she informed the crew. One model was still getting her hair fussed by the hairstylist, while another girl's hair hadn't even been touched yet.

The stylist -- a thin, well-groomed, flamboyant young man -- applied a dab of hair gel to the palm of one hand, then rubbed both of his hands together. "Almost finished with this one," he said with a slight lisp, while working his fingers through the model's long, wavy locks. "Gimme ten minutes with the other. Ten minutes."

While she was waiting, Spencer checked and rechecked her camera, making sure everything was working properly. The muffled sound of her cell phone jingle interrupted her. Cradling the camera in one hand, she knelt down and retrieved the phone from the outside pocket of her bag. Her eyes skimmed the Caller-ID before she answered with, "Hey Cor."

"I'm sorry, I know you're working."

"It's okay; we haven't started yet." Spencer looked over at the crew.

Corey said, "Are you backed up again?"

"No," Spencer sighed. "Things are just slow; the models are being primped." Her eyes swept over the beach. The spot they had picked out for the photo shoot was stunning. But Spencer had a feeling that any stretch of this beach would be. "How's the move going?"

"It's... going. Jenna's boyfriend is giving me a hand. Right now, everything I had at my parents' place is in the back of my truck. We're taking it to the apartment now, where it will be reunited, after a two-year separation, with my storage stuff."  
Spencer smiled sadly. "Too bad I won't be there for the reunion."

"It's okay. You'll be here tomorrow to see all of my crap back together again." There was a brief pause. "You will be back tomorrow, right?"

"That's the plan. I'm driving back to LA as soon as this damn photo shoot is over with. I should be there in--" Spencer glanced at her watch "--six hours or so."

"You sound exhausted. Maybe you should wait and make the drive tomorrow, after you've slept some."

"No way. I'm not staying here another night. I've already checked out of my hotel room. Four days has been enough." Spencer sat down on the beach, with her knees bent in front of her, the heels of her Converse sneakers digging into the sand. "I really want to get back to my own apartment and my own bed."

"Your apartment and bed -- that's all you miss?"

"Oh no, I left someone out, didn't I? Poor Charlie. I'll have to make it up to him." Charlie was Spencer's fourteen-month-old Golden Retriever. He stayed with her dad whenever she went out of town. "Maybe I'll pick up a chew toy, or something, for him on the way home."

"I feel loved."

Spencer laughed, "Oh, shut up. You know I miss you."

"I expect my own _chew toy_ from you tomorrow."

The photographer smirked, running her fingertips through the dry sand. "We'll see." Her gaze strayed to the crew. "It looks like the girls are almost ready, I better get goin'."

"Okay. Drive safely."

"I will. Love you."

"I love you, too, babe. Bye."

Spencer closed the flip-phone and slipped it back into her bag before gathering up her equipment and returning to the crew.

- - -

The apartment was dark when Ashley arrived. She set her keys down on the table, and bent over to remove her high heels. Choosing a pair of stilettos to wear on a night out was never a good idea. If they didn't look so good on her she would give them to Geraldo, the neighbor's Black Lab. Leather made him happy.

As she entered the kitchen, her eyes caught the digital clock on the microwave -- it read 12:10. Usually, on the weekends, she would stay out much later. But she just wasn't up to it tonight, for some reason.

She grabbed a bottle of mineral water from the refrigerator and left the kitchen, heading to her room. In the hallway, she noticed Corey's bedroom door was ajar and a light was on. Deciding to check on her new roommate, she walked over and lightly knocked on the door. "Hey," she said softly, peeking inside. "May I come in?"

"Yes, you may," Corey smiled, waving the brunette in.

Ashley pushed the door open wider and leaned against the doorframe. "I'm sorry I couldn't help with the move today. Did you manage to get everything here all right?" she asked, eyes darting around the room. On the floor were five cardboard boxes, two large suitcases, and an assembled bedframe. The boxspring and mattress were propped up against the wall. The only pieces of furniture in the room were a dresser, desk, and swivel chair.

"Oh yeah. We did fine. Topher was a big help."

"That's good." Ashley walked over to the dresser and touched its smooth wood finishing with her fingertips. She put her water bottle on the dresser top and turned, facing the blond. "So, this is it? Everything you own?"

"Yep." The younger woman was on the floor, knees pressed into the carpet, bent over a cardboard box. With the box cutter in one hand, she moved the tip of the blade over the clear packing tape that held the box closed, and sliced it open. "I hate unpacking." She sighed. "I waited until thirty minutes ago to start."

"Dirty procrastinator."

Corey grinned, "I know. It's one of my flaws."

"Flaws? What are those?" Ashley asked, a hint of tease in her voice.

Corey chuckled as she opened another box. "How was your night?" she asked, placing the box cutter on the floor beside her.

"The same as every other night I go out." Ashley watched the blond remove an assortment of books from one of the boxes. "You read a lot?"

The blond half-shrugged. "I used to, when I was younger. Don't really have time for it now." She stacked the books on the floor. "I'm not sure why I've kept them all these years." She stood and carried an armload of books to her desk.

"Do you need help with anything?"

"Well, uh, I could use some help getting the rest of the bed together."

"Okay..."

With as little noise as possible, they maneuvered the boxspring onto its metal frame, then flipped the queen-sized mattress over top of it.

The second the task was completed, Ashley plopped down on the bed. "Nice mattress." She ran a hand over the top of the padded mattress. "Soft and..." she smiled, "bouncy."

Corey slid her hands into the back pockets of her cargo shorts. "Yeah, it's a good bed," she agreed, a little awkwardly.

Ashley leaned back on her hands, fingers splayed, and looked up at her roommate. "Tell me about your girlfriend. How'd you meet?" she asked with a genuine interest.

"She's a photographer." Corey pulled her hands out of her pockets and wrapped her arms around herself. "We met in December, at a photo shoot. I was assisting my friend Carl, who's a hairstylist. He introduced us."

"A photographer? How old is she?"

"Twenty-two. Her old college professor back in New York hooked her up with this agency here in LA. She mostly shoots fashion stuff for magazines."

"Sweet deal."

"I think so..."

Ashley's eyes went around the room again. "You're not really going to unpack all of this tonight, are you?"

"Not _all_ of it. Just a few things."

"Leave it till tomorrow. I have something better in mind for us to do." Ashley pushed herself up from the comfortable mattress and grabbed the other woman's arm, pulling her toward the door. "Have you ever played GoldenEye 007?"

Corey shuffled behind, dodging everything on the floor. "Is that a video game?"

"Yeah. It's a classic."  
"I've never heard of it."

"Really?" Ashley turned, staring at the blond in disbelief, then shook her head. "C'mon." She tugged on Corey's arm. "You're about to be introduced to the wonders of James Bond's virtual world," she said, dragging the taller woman out of the room.

Corey sat on the sofa, watching her roommate set up the game. "So what goes on in this game? Explain it to me." The introduction to the game played, and Ashley handed her one of the controllers.

For the next few minutes, the brunette explained the game, how to play, and what each button on the controller did. After choosing their settings (weapons, arenas, time limit, etc.), they each scrolled through a list of characters that would represent them in the game.

"Why didn't you pick Bond?" questioned Corey, curiously.

Ashley was moving around on her end of the couch, searching for a comfortable position. "Everyone picks Bond. I like to be different, I guess," she replied, eyes focused on the TV screen. "Plus, he sucks. I like playing with the guy I chose because he's short. It's hard to hit him sometimes."

"Oh, great. Now I'm going into this with two disadvantages."

"Believe me, it's not that hard to master. You'll catch on quick."

Before the game started, the screen was split horizontally; player one (Ashley) on top, player two (Corey) on bottom. Each of their characters were placed in different sections of the Temple. The first order of business was to find weapons and ammo. Then, go searching for their opponent and have a slap fight/shoot out until one of them died. Violent? Yes. Fun? Hell yes.

When it came to their first showdown, Corey struggled with aiming at first, but figured it out quickly, and ended up killing Ashley's character. She grinned, wanting to gloat since it was her first time, but held back.

"I gave you that one," the dark-haired woman mumbled.

"Uh huh."

Corey went on to win the next two rounds, as well.

"What the hell?" Ashley blurted out, then realized her voice was too loud. Not wanting to wake Jenna, she lowered it. "My controller -- it must be defective or something. The Z button sticks every time I press it. Topher probably stepped on it."

Corey bit the side of her mouth to keep from laughing. "We can swap controllers if you want," she suggested.

Ashley sighed. "No, no, let's just play."

They continued playing. Minutes later, Ashley's time finally came. She managed to sneak up on Corey's character, getting the guy from behind, before Corey could even determine what was happening.

The bottom half of the screen flashed red before going black. "No warning? Thanks." It was Corey's turn to glare at her opponent. "That shouldn't count."

"What? You've got three hits on me. You're winning."

Corey then grinned. "Oh yeah."

Ashley rolled her eyes, and turned back to the television screen.

"So," Corey started, keeping her eyes on the TV, "what about you? Are you seeing anyone?"

"I see a lot of people," Ashley responded, distractedly.

"Oh... Why is that?" Corey quickly glanced at the brunette. "Are you afraid of commitment?" she wondered, jokingly.

"Uh, no." Ashley smiled. "I don't do relationships."

A moment later, the blond asked, a little more seriously, "Have you ever been in love?"

"Once."

"Then you know what it feels like? Love, I mean."

"I, I guess so."

"Why would you want to keep yourself from feeling that?"

Ashley looked over at Corey, who was completely engrossed in the game, then down at the controller in her hands. She thumbed the buttons but didn't press any of the them. The question repeated in her head. "When I get too close, fall too hard, or get too attached to people, they leave me," she finally said. "It's been like that all my life."

Corey was now staring at the smaller woman, the game forgotten. "So, to protect yourself, you avoid all of the above?" She frowned. "Don't you feel like you're robbing yourself of happiness, because you're too scared of getting your heart broken?"

"I'm not scared of getting my heart broken, or falling in love. I just choose not to. My life's less complicated without it." She sighed, then teasingly said, "God, why has this suddenly turned into one of my therapy sessions?" She eyed the other woman. "I don't usually get this personal with anyone other than my shrink."

"What about Jenna?"

"We're close. I mean, we've known each other for years. Lived together for two. She knows all my bullshit. I know hers. We just don't talk about it that much."

"Why not?"

"Because she knows I don't like to."

"Oh." Corey shifted in her seat. "So I guess we should stop talking about this then, huh? If it makes you uncomfortable."

"No, I -- it's okay. I'm not uncomfortable. I actually find talking to you a lot easier." She looked up, smiling at the younger woman. "Mostly because you don't know how fucked up I am yet."

"You're not fucked up."

Ashley's smile faded a bit. "I am, trust me."

"Well, I guess everyone's a little fucked up in their own way."

"Yeah, I guess..." Ashley's eyes drifted back to the television. "Let's finish this game, I'm getting tired."

Corey accepted the change in subject, and turned her attention back to the game, which she ended up winning by two points.

- - -


	4. Four

**Complicated.**

4:

Topher opened the door to the pantry and stood in front of it, searching for food. It was nearing lunch time and, since he had skipped breakfast, he was starving. The sight of Jenna entering the kitchen in a bikini immediately grabbed his attention. His eyes followed her as she went over to the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of water.

She twisted the cap off and brought the bottle up to her lips. "I'm going up on the roof to lay out," she said before taking a sip.

"Want me to grease you up?" he asked, grinning.

Ashley walked in at that very moment, and cringed. "Gross. Take your weird heterosexual foreplay somewhere else, like out of the kitchen. I don't want greasy body parts near my food or the places I eat."

Jenna laughed.

"What food? There's nothing here but a box of shitty Poptarts and a thing of three month-old yogurt," Topher whined, closing the pantry door.

"Uh, babe, _you_ ate everything else," Jenna muttered, rolling her eyes.

"Hmm, here's a thought, Topher," Ashley said, tapping a finger against her chin. "Why don't you go home and eat your own food? I bet your mom's kitchen is filled with all kinds of fattening shit you could stuff your face with."

"And risk the chance of seeing some lesbian action? I think not! There's two of you now, which means I've gotta be here double the time I usually am."

Ashley narrowed her eyes, disgusted. She turned to her roommate, and asked, "Why the hell are you still with this idiot?"

Jenna responded, saying, "I ask myself that question everyday."

Topher leaned against the refrigerator and rubbed his T-shirt covered chest. "It's because I'm fucking amazing in bed." He smirked and bit his bottom lip -- thinking this look was sexy on him. "Jenna has admitted on several occasions that I'm the best she's ever had."

"Of course she has," Ashley said. "You always tell the person you're with that they're the best. When, in reality, they're probably not."

Jenna tightened the cap on her water bottle and started moving toward the door. "I think I'm gonna head up to the roof now," she said, hoping to get out of the kitchen before Topher wanted her to reaffirm her words. She wasn't a good liar under pressure.

Once Jenna was gone, Ashley started snickering. "She ducked out of here pretty quick. I don't think that's a good sign."

Topher ignored Ashley, but made a mental note to later ask Jenna why she had left so quickly when she did. He picked up the cordless phone from its base on the counter and started punching in a number. "I'm calling in a pizza," he mumbled.

- - -

Spencer stood in front of the door to her girlfriend's new apartment, waiting for someone to answer her knock. She stared at the gold italic numbers on the door. _310._ The one was missing a nail, making it more straight than slanted, with its lower half leaning against the zero. It looked like an easy fix. Her gaze was ripped away from the digits when the door swung open. A light-haired man, looking to be in his mid-twenties, stood in front of her. "Hi." She smiled. "I'm here to see Corey."

"Ah, you must be the girlfriend." He moved back, allowing Spencer entrance into the apartment, then stuck out his right hand. "I'm Topher," he introduced himself, smiling. "Jenna's boyfriend."

"Spencer," she said, shaking his hand.

"Your girl is in her room." With one hand, he motioned toward the hallway. "It's down the hall, second door on the right."

"Oh, okay." Spencer glanced in the direction he had pointed. "Thanks," she said, looking back at the young man briefly before she began making her way to Corey's bedroom. The airy, melancholic cry of Cat Power drifted down the hallway, growing louder with each step she took.

Corey, dressed in a tank top and board shorts, was on the floor, staring down at an instruction booklet in her lap. Tools and pieces of an unassembled bookshelf lie haphazardly all around her.

Spencer stayed where she was, leaning into the doorframe, and asked, "Want some help?"

Corey's head snapped up. A big smile formed on her beautiful face at the sight of her girlfriend. She quickly got up and moved toward Spencer. "I thought you weren't coming by till later," she said, pulling the woman into the room.

"I wanted to see you," Spencer admitted before moving her hands up to the sides of Corey's face and drawing her in for a kiss. Corey's arms encircled her waist, bringing their bodies closer, while Spencer threaded her fingers through Corey's soft, cropped locks and deepened the kiss.

A moment later, Corey withdrew from the kiss and rested her forehead against Spencer's. "God, I've missed you," she said in a breathy voice.

"Same here," the photographer said, dropping her hands onto Corey's shoulders. "I hate being away from you." She placed two more light kisses on her girlfriend's mouth, then stepped back and wandered around the bedroom. "I love your room."

Corey reached for Spencer's hand. "Check this out," she said, leading her out onto the balcony.

Spencer wrapped her hands around the railing and leaned forward. "Cool! You can see the beach from here!" she said, excitedly.

The college student grinned.

They stayed out on the balcony for awhile just staring down at the world below and talking. Spencer told Corey all about the past four days; mainly, the photo shoot antics.

They eventually moved back inside.

Spencer picked up the instruction booklet off the bed, where Corey had tossed it, and flipped through it. "You're putting a bookshelf together?"

"Trying to," the younger woman sighed, brushing her bangs across her forehead. "I'm not very good at putting things together. Screws, nuts, bolts, washers -- they all look the same to me."

Spencer bent over and removed a washer and screw from the plastic bags they were in. "I don't know much about this stuff either, but these two things look nothing alike," she said, holding up the pieces.

"If you stare at 'em long enough they'll start to look alike."

Smiling, Spencer shook her head. "This doesn't look too bad." She looked through the instruction booklet at each of the steps. "We can probably get this thing assembled together. I'm pretty good with tools."

"Oh, really?" Corey asked, raising an eyebrow.

Spencer smirked, "Down girl."

"As much as I want to see these skills of yours, I say we ditch the bookcase. Until later, at least. Right now, I want to give you a quick tour of my new pad." Corey grinned. "And there's a couple of people I want you to meet."

"Okay."

The tour ended at the kitchen, where Topher was loading up on beer.

"Hey, where are you going?" Corey asked.

"Up to the roof. We're gonna play some pool," he replied, closing the refrigerator door with his hip. "You two should join us."

Corey looked over at Spencer for a response. She simply smiled and nodded. "Alright, we're in." She released her girlfriend's hand and reached for one of the cases of beer Topher was juggling. "Here, I'll help you carry the beer."

"Thanks," he said, letting Corey take a twelve-pack. They left the kitchen. "We ordered a couple pizzas for lunch. Ash went to pick 'em up. She should be back soon."

"Alright, cool," Corey said, following the young man up the spiral staircase.

On the roof, Jenna's golden body was stretched out on a pink plastic lounge chair. After hearing the door open, she lifted her head to see who was coming up.

"Hey babe," Topher called out to her.

Jenna sat up and gave her boyfriend one of those wiggly finger waves. Through the dark green lenses of her prescription sunglasses, she watched Topher and Corey stack two cases of beer near the pool table. After that, Corey and the blond she had with her walked over.

"Jenna, this is my girlfriend Spencer," Corey said, motioning toward the blond woman. "Spencer, Jenna."

"It's nice to finally meet you," Spencer said, offering her hand for a handshake, which Jenna happily accepted. "I've heard a lot about you."

"Same here," Jenna smiled. "Corey talks about you all the time at work. She gets mopey whenever you go away on business."

"Aw," Spencer gushed, looping her arms around one of Corey's. "That's sweet."

Corey argued, "I do _not_ get mopey."

"Liar," the photographer smirked.

Jenna just laughed, thinking these two were a cute pair.

Topher turned the dial on the stereo, raising the volume. The Shins filled the air.  
"I love it up here," Spencer said, looking around the roof.

"I know, me too," Corey agreed. "The whole apartment is great, but the roof is my favorite part."

"And we have it all to ourselves," Jenna said, laying back against her chair. "Our neighbor, Mrs. Henderson, is the only other person in this building with roof access, but she never comes up here."

"Cool," Spencer grinned.

"The pizza has arrived!" Ashley announced from the doorway, holding two large pizza boxes over her head. The heavy door fell closed behind her as she twirled around to face everyone on the roof. Her legs slowed before halting completely. Among the foursome was an old familiar face.

"Hey Ash!" Corey smiled, greeting her other roommate. "I want you to meet my girlfriend, Spencer. Spencer, this is Ashley." The two women stayed where they were, motionless and stunned. Corey looked from her girlfriend to her roommate and back again. Her smile faded. The dimple in her cheek flattened out and disappeared. "Do you two know each other?"

Spencer's blue eyes broke contact with Ashley's brown ones as she turned to Corey. "Um..." she stammered, "we used to." She glanced in Ashley's direction again. "It's good to see you again, Ashley."

"You too," Ashley mumbled.

Topher walked up and took the pizza boxes out of the brunette's hands, carrying them over to the pool table.

Jenna stood up from her chair and moved closer. "How do you two know each other? Or used to know each other?" she curiously asked, glancing back and forth between Spencer and Ashley.

The question brought Ashley out of her stunned state. She finally dragged her gaze away from Spencer to look at Jenna.

"We were friends in high school," Spencer quickly answered.

"Oh, yeah?" Corey grinned. "I bet you have a ton of dirt on Spencer, here," she said to Ashley, while slipping an arm around Spencer's slim waist.

The corners of Ashley's lips curled into a tight smile. "Well," she started, drawing the word out, "I may have a few stories. But I'll spare Spence the humiliation and share 'em with you a little later." She winked at Corey. "Right now, we have a game to start."

"Yes!" Topher exclaimed, with a mouthful of pizza. "First, we've gotta choose teams. I refuse to play with Ashley."  
Not wanting to be stuck with Spencer, Ashley quickly offered to take Corey as her teammate. Topher and Spencer went along with that. After they each took a slice of pizza and a beer, the game was started.

Thirty minutes into it, Ashley and Corey were in the lead. Every chance she got, Ashley would sneak a glance in Spencer's direction. The blond's outward appearance hadn't changed much over the four years. She had matured and her hair was a bit shorter -- shoulder length -- and wavy, but she still had an innocent look about her.

While Topher was taking a shot, Corey snuck up behind Spencer and wrapped an arm around her waist, hugging her close. She whispered something into Spencer's ear that brought a huge smile to her gorgeous face.

In a tunnel vision-like way, memories came flooding back. Ashley saw flashes of different moments when that same smile was directed toward _her_. She had to tear her eyes away from the couple, and force herself not to look their way after that.

The game continued, everyone talked and joked, but Ashley stayed quiet. Watching Spencer and Corey had stirred something within her. She just didn't know what that 'something' was. Jealousy? _No._ Her feelings for Spencer no longer existed. She was completely over her. At least, that's what she told herself.

She emptied her third can of beer and tossed it into the trash can. "I'm going downstairs to get a bottle of water," she said, handing her cue stick to Topher.

"Guess we're taking a break," Topher announced, as Ashley made her way to the door.

After the bartender was gone, Spencer slipped out of her girlfriend's embrace. "I'm going to the bathroom," she whispered to Corey.

"'Kay," Corey said. "It's across the hall from my room."

Spencer smiled. "I remember."

- - -

Spencer wrapped her arms around herself and stepped into the kitchen. Ashley was standing near the island. Head bowed. Hands gripping the edge of the counter.

"Hey," she said gently, startling the brunette. "Sorry."

Ashley stared at Spencer. A nervous smile on her lips. "It's okay." She turned her gaze to the marble counter top in front of her. "I was just... taking a moment."  
Spencer stayed in the doorway. Head tilted to one side. Eyes cast low. Feeling completely unsure of what to say in this type of situation. There was a painful knot in the pit of her stomach. Nerves. It was similar to the feeling she had six years ago, when she first met Ashley Davies.

The awkward silence was starting to get to Ashley. She was hoping the blond would say something, make the first move, but after a couple of minutes that didn't seem likely. She slowly turned and faced her ex. "How have you been?" she asked.

Spencer looked up. "Uh... good," she answered, with a nervous smile. "You?"

Ashley shrugged. "Can't complain." She narrowed her eyes, remembering bits and pieces of her conversation with Corey the night before. "You're a photographer."

"Yeah."

"What happened to med school?"

"It wasn't for me."

"But -- I thought becoming a doctor was, like, a dream of yours."

"It was when I was younger." Spencer moved further into the kitchen, stopping at the opposite end of the island counter to give Ashley and herself some distance between them. "I made the decision to go into medicine mostly to please my mother. I guess I wanted her to be proud of me for something," she said, rolling her eyes. "It was stupid, I know."

"I don't think it was stupid," Ashley said, then scrunched up her face. "Okay, maybe it was a little stupid." She smiled. "I mean, making any kind of decision just to please someone else and not yourself isn't very smart."

"I know," the blond said, ducking her head slightly.

"How did your mom take the change to photography?"

"Not well." She smiled. "She didn't understand it. And, well, if you can remember, making her understand something isn't an easy task. It took her awhile to get used to it."

Ashley nodded.

"So," the blonde tapped the counter top nervously, "what have you been up to over the years?"

"Not much. Just... livin' life," Ashley replied, casually.

Spencer's eyes softened. "I heard about your dad. I'm really sorry." Danger Davies, Ashley's father, had died from an overdose two years earlier.  
"Thanks." Ashley smiled sadly. "How'd you hear?"

"From Aiden."

"You still talk to him?" the brunette asked, a little surprised.

"Yeah, just about everyday."

"That's... great." Ashley couldn't remember the last time she had seen Aiden Dennison. It was probably around the same time her and Spencer had split. She had cut ties with most of their 'shared' friends after the breakup. "It's great that you guys have stayed in touch."

Spencer fell silent again.

"We, uh," Ashley sighed, grabbing her water bottle, "we better head back up." They stared at each other for a few more seconds.

"I'll see you up there," the blond said before leaving the kitchen.

- - -

(Later that night at Spencer's apartment)

Spencer stood in front of the dresser, unbuttoning her jeans, while Corey lounged on the bed with her head against the headboard. Spencer stared at her girlfriend's reflection in the oval mirror that was connected to the dresser. "Cor, there's something I've got to be honest with you about," she said, bowing her head as she removed her pants.

Corey sat up. "Okay. What about?"

Spencer dropped the jeans into the hamper before walking over to the bed and sitting down. "About Ashley and I." She sighed, staring down at her lap. "We, um, we were more than friends in high school," she admitted, lifting her gaze. "She was my first girlfriend."

Corey smiled a small smile, showing just a hint of the dimple in her left cheek. "I kind of figured that out by the way you two were acting today."

"How were we acting?"

"I don't know, weird? Uncomfortable?"

Spencer nodded. "I guess I was a little uncomfortable."

"I bet," Corey said, reaching for one of Spencer's hands. She stared down at it, while running a finger along the palm. She loved Spencer's hands. They were soft, delicate. She moved the tip of her finger along Spencer's slimmer fingers. "Is it going to be a problem for you to go over there?"

The photographer looked up into the younger woman's eyes. "To your place? Because of Ashley?" Corey nodded. "No... I don't think so."

"Are you sure?" She laced their fingers together. "I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

Spencer smiled, "I'm sure."

"Okay, good," Corey smiled back. She let go of Spencer's hand so that she was able to crawl over to the left side of the bed. "Can I ask you one question?"

"Of course, you can ask me anything," the long-haired woman replied, drawing back the covers.

"How long did you guys go out?"

"Um, around two years," Spencer replied, as she slipped between the sheets. Corey did the same on the other side.

"Two years? Really?"

"Yeah."

Corey laid down on her side, facing her girlfriend. "I hardly know her, but Ashley doesn't seem like the type of person to have a two-year relationship. Just last night she told me that she doesn't 'do' relationships."

"It was back in high school, Cor," Spencer reminded the other woman.

"I know that, but--"

Spencer straddled Corey's waist and leaned forward, brushing her lips against the younger woman's ear. "Can we stop talking about Ashley?" she asked in a husky whisper. She moved her hands down the young woman's chest and stomach, stopping at the hem of her tank top. Slowly, she began peeling the garment off her body. "I've been away from you for four days and all I really want to do right now is be inside you."

Corey shivered at the words. She brought a hand up to the back of Spencer's head, tangling her fingers in the long, blond locks. "Come here," she whispered before pulling the older woman in for a scorching kiss.

- - -

Ashley entered the noisy club, wearing a short, spaghetti strap black dress. Her hair was pinned up on the sides, with the back hanging loosely between her shoulder blades. She roamed the crowded dance floor with her eyes. Bodies were moving, grinding against one another to the thundering beat of a popular remix.

She strolled up to the bar and, after showing the bartender her ID, ordered a drink. As she was waiting for her order, an attractive young woman sauntered up next to her.

"I'm Beth," the woman purred, introducing herself. She was a few inches taller than Ashley, with layered brown hair that stopped at her shoulders; an oval-shaped face; thin frame; long legs covered in denim and a small top that nicely showed off her cleavage.

Ashley's dark eyes wandered back up to Beth's face and connected with her blue orbs. "Ashley," she finally said, loud enough for the woman to hear.

"Are you here with someone?"

With a seductive smile, Ashley said, "I am now."

- - -


	5. Five

- - - flashback chapter - - -

**Complicated.**

5:

_Spencer pushed the door to her dorm room open and crossed the threshold with a large laundry basket in her arms. She carried the basket over to her side of the room, set it down on her twin-sized bed, and began folding. _

Denise, her roommate, was working on her laptop at the other side of the room. The tapping sound the keys made under her fingers as she typed was driving Spencer crazy. Denise had a 15-page English paper due Monday that she had started Friday night and was spending the entire weekend to work on. The entire_ weekend, which meant Spencer heard that damn _tapping_ all night long. She tried listening to the stereo, to drown out the sound, but Denise 'couldn't concentrate.' Her headphones had mysteriously disappeared weeks ago, so the only thing she could do was stick it out. _

"Oh, your friend called again while you were out," Denise said, without looking away from the computer screen. Tap, tap, tap, tap. Fingers moved noisily on the keyboard.

"Did she leave a message?" Spencer asked, while searching through the basket for a match to the green sock she held in her hand.

"Only that she wanted you to call her, whenever you got a chance."

"Okay, thanks." She tossed the sock onto her bed, and, after grabbing her cell phone from the night stand, stepped out into the hallway. There were a few people chatting outside, so she decided to go into the bathroom for more privacy. It never accumulated a lot of people during the afternoon on the weekends. On her phone, she went to the first name in her list and hit 'send'. After three rings, Ashley's husky voice was in her ear.

"Hey."

"Hey you," she smiled, leaning back against the bathroom's cool tiled wall. "I got your message."

"I figured."

The blond frowned, hearing a hint of annoyance in her girlfriend's voice. "What's wrong?" she asked, her eyes went to the row of sinks in front of her.

"Nothing."  
"That was believable," she said, sarcastically. "C'mon, tell me what's going on." Pause. "Ash?"

"It just... it sucks. I never hear from you. I'm always the one calling you. And every time I do, I have to leave a message, either with your roommate or on your voicemail, and I'm getting a little tired of not being able to get a hold of you when I want to." Ashley let out a long sigh. "I know I sound like a whiney bitch right now, but--"

"Ashl--" she tried to interrupt, to apologize.

"No Spence, let me finish, okay? Please?"

"Okay," Spencer whispered.

"It's hard," Ashley started with a tinge of hesitancy. "It's hard being here, without you. I miss you so much, and I drive myself crazy wondering if you're there, missing me too."

"You know I am!" Spencer exclaimed, not believing what she was hearing. "God, Ashley, you're on my mind constantly."

"Really? Ever thought about calling and telling me that? I'm not asking for a fucking two-hour conversation here, just a short two-minute one, to say hi. Is that too much to ask for?"

"Look, I'm sorry. I'm doing the best I can here."

There was another pause, longer than the previous one, but the blond stayed quiet this time, waiting for her girlfriend to say something. Finally, it came. Those three words she never wanted to hear: "This isn't working."

The words were whispered into the phone, barely audible, but Spencer had the cell pressed close enough against her ear to hear what was said. Her throat tightened, and she knew that when she spoke again, her voice would crack. "What are you saying?" she asked, closing her eyes.

"I don't know..."

Spencer slid down the wall into a sitting position on the floor. Her eyes fluttered open and fell to the off-white flooring. She found a long, ugly crack in one of the tiles and focused on it. "Are you breaking up with me?"

"I love you. I do. But I just cant..." She heard sniffling. Ashley was crying. "I need you so much sometimes, you know? I need_ you, and you're not here. You're all the way on the other side of the fucking country!" _

Spencer's elbows were on her knees. One hand gripped the phone. The other was tangled in her long, golden hair. She tried swallowing down the lump in her throat before saying, "It's called a long-distance relationship, Ashley. Look it up." Her words were a bit harsh sounding but she didn't care.

"I, I didn't think it would be this hard. I'm sorry, Spence. I wish I could--"

"No, no." Spencer's head popped up and fell back against the wall. "I've heard what you have to say, it's my turn." She took a deep breath, a shaky one, and then words started spilling out of her mouth. "I know what this is, okay? You're always doing it. Pushing people away when things get rough. Well you never could push me away, Ashley, and you're not going to this time either. We've been together for over two years. Are you telling me you want to throw those years -- throw our relationship_ away, because you can't deal with the distance? If you really loved me, you'd want to work this out. Not run." _

"I've tried to work this out, and I'm not running! I just don't know where else this is going. I mean, for the last three months it hasn't gone anywhere! We barely communicate. Is that how it's going to be for the next three years? Oh wait, I forgot, there's med school after that, so--"

Frustrated, Spencer cut her girlfriend off again, "I admit that the last three months we haven't been able to talk much because I've been busy. I know our relationship has suffered. But I can't help that, Ashley. I have a lot on my plate right now. I'm fucking pre-med! Whenever I'm not in class, I'm studying or doing homework. And when I'm not doing that, I'm at the clinic, volunteering. I have a life here that needs my full attention. I'm sorry, you're just not my top priority right now."

"Maybe that's what this is about. I want to be your top priority."

"God," Spencer released a short, guttural laugh, "how selfish can you be?"

"I'm sorry. You're right, that was selfish. Wanting my girlfriend, who lives three thousand miles away, to make time for me is a very selfish thing. I don't know why I said that..."

Where the hell was this conversation going? Were they breaking up? Or was it just a fight? Spencer's head was spinning. "What do you want?"

"I want you."

"You have me, Ashley."

"No, I don't. I haven't since the moment you got on that plane three months ago. We don't have a relationship. The only source of communication we've had are these sporadic phone calls and emails. We've become fucking pen pals."

Spencer couldn't take much more of this. "Dammit, Ashley!" she growled, head boiling, eyes stinging with tears. "Do it, okay? Say it's over. If that's what you want, fucking get it over with already!"  
"Spencer..."

With her eyes squeezed shut, she whispered through clenched teeth, "Say it."

"It's over." There was no pause, no hesitation, no doubts, no retraction.

The tightening in Spencer's chest worsened. Unshed tears began trickling down her cheeks. Her throat felt dry and closed up. She licked her lips. "We're over."

"We're over," the girl on the other end echoed in her ear.

Spencer's hands dropped to her lap. It didn't take much effort to snap the flip-phone closed. After she did, she let it fall to the floor. It skidded a few feet away. She wrapped her arms around her legs and rested her forehead on her knees. That's when the tightening loosened, ripped through her chest, bubbled up into her throat, and escaped out of her mouth as a loud sob.

- - -


	6. Six A

**Complicated.**

6a:

_Monday_

Spencer was tucked into a small booth near the back of a crowded, dimly lit Mexican restaurant, facing the entrance so she could see Aiden when he arrived. A large window was to her right. The blinds were bunched up at the top, showing off the freshly Windexed surface. The leather seats were hard, not at all comfortable, and an inch too far from the table. The noise level was erratic. But it wasn't until she stared down at the laminated menu lying open in front of her that she wondered why she had let Aiden pick the restaurant. The words 'burrito' and 'enchilada' made her stomach churn. Deciding to go with a simple taco salad, she closed the menu and placed it at the end of the table.

Feeling fidgety, she removed the paper ring from the napkin wrapped around her silverware and nervously played with it.

The waitress, an older woman with tired brown eyes and streaks of gray in her dark hair, came up to the table and put a basket of warmed tortilla chips and a small bowl of salsa in the middle of the table. "I'm Rosa," she drawled out, removing a pad and pen from the pocket on her apron. "I'll be your server this afternoon." The words were robotic. Spencer could tell all this woman wanted was to go home and rest. "What can I get you to drink?"

"Iced tea, please."

Martha scribbled the drink order down on her pad. "Alright. I'll be back soon." With that, she spun around on her heel and shuffled away from the table.

While Spencer waited, her mind began to drift, as it had been doing throughout the entire day. Thoughts of Ashley bombarded her head. Seeing her had brought back a lot of old memories and feelings -- mostly painful.

She had spent the past four years trying to forget about Ashley Davies. But she never could. Like most people do with their first loves, she had elevated Ashley to this emotional plateau that no other person could possibly reach or exceed. It took her years to open herself up to other women. But it wasn't until Corey (who was so different from Ashley) came along that she was able to give her heart to someone again.

Meeting Corey, falling for her, had helped free Spencer of Ashley Davies once and for all. That door was finally able to close. But, now, just four short months later it was yanked open again. Ashley was back in her life. Spencer had finally moved on; found someone new; forgotten about Ashley. So, why? Why was the woman it took her nearly four years to get over suddenly thrust back into her life again? Why **now**? Why not a couple years before, when all she had wanted was Ashley to reappear into her life again?

Why?

She gave up asking after awhile, knowing she'd never receive the proper answers she was seeking, and tried to come up with other things to keep her mind on. But it was hopeless; her thoughts always wandered back to Ashley.

Finally, rescuing Spencer from her thoughts, Aiden walked up and slid into the side of the booth opposite from her. "Sorry I couldn't get here sooner. There was traffic," he said as his excuse for running late. "Big pileup on the highway." He snagged a chip from the basket and dipped a corner of it into the chunky red salsa before shoving the whole thing into his mouth. "Have you ordered?" he asked, flipping open his menu.

"Not yet."

"What are you getting?"

"A small taco salad. I'm not that hungry."

A moment later, Aiden said, "I think I'm gonna go with the burrito, taco, rice and beans combination." He nodded as if telling himself that was a good choice. "Yeah, that sounds good." He snapped his menu closed and set it down on top of Spencer's. As he reached for another chip, his gaze strayed to the other side of the table, where Spencer was ripping up her paper napkin ring into several tiny, uneven pieces. He looked down at the small pile of shredded paper that had already accumulated in the center of the table. "So, uh, what's up?"

Spencer brushed a couple of stray paper bits into the pile, and half-heartedly shrugged her shoulders. "Not much."

"Are you sure?" Aiden doubtfully asked, with a cocked eyebrow. "I haven't received a lunch invitation from you in awhile, and whenever I do, it's always because something's up. Now, let me try this again--" He put one elbow on the table and rested his chin on the heel of his upturned palm, giving Spencer his undivided attention, "--what's going on?"

_Quit stalling. Tell him._ "Okay, um..." Leaving the mound of paper alone, Spencer scooted back against her seat and slid her hands underneath the backs of her thighs. "I stopped by Corey's new apartment yesterday," she started, slowly. "Met her roommates."

"Oh, right, I forgot she finally escaped the shitty dorm life and found a place. You really should keep me up to date when things like this occur." He popped another chip into his mouth. "I could've helped with the move."

"Well, she made the decision to take the place and move into it while I was in San Francisco, so I wasn't here to help either. She managed, though."

"So she's settled and everything?"

"Getting there."

"That's good." Aiden removed the dessert menu from the rack against the wall and skimmed the selections. "How was San Francisco?"

"It was... fine. But that's not what I wanted to talk to you about." Spencer's eyes fell to the glossy tabletop. The pile of what used to be her paper napkin ring reclaimed her attention. "I started out trying to tell you before, but the conversation took a left turn somewhere," she said, while tearing the pieces of paper into even tinier pieces.

"Sorry." Aiden watched his friend carefully. "I thought we were doing the useless small-talk thing while you gathered up the courage to tell me whatever it is that has turned you into a human paper shredder," he smiled slightly.

Spencer smiled back embarrassingly and, once again, withdrew her hands from the clump of paper. "I'm really fidgety today, for some reason." She put her hands in her lap and laced her fingers. "Okay." She sighed. "I'm just going to say it before we start heading off in another direction again." She pulled her hands apart, wrapped them around the edge of her seat, and leaned forward to where the upper part of her body was hovering above her side of the table. "Ash--Ashley is one of Corey's roommates."

The words came out in a low, muttering tone, barely apprehensible, but somehow Aiden caught the words 'Ashley' and 'roommate'. At first, he wasn't sure who his friend was talking about. Then, the lightbulb over his head lit up. The name clicked. His eyes widened and flicked upward, connecting with Spencer's. "Ashley Davies?" he questioned, tossing the small tri-fold dessert menu aside.

Spencer nodded.

Aiden's mouth hung open for about half a minute, then closed. This open/close action was repeated a few more times before his voice box kicked in. "Holy hell" were the first words he uttered, which Spencer found appropriate.

"I know, I know."

Before Aiden could respond further, the waitress returned, placing a tall opaque glass in front of Spencer. "Are you two ready to order?" she asked in that same tired, robotic way as before. As they said their orders, she sloppily jotted everything down on her pad and repeated it back to them. "Alright," she said, picking up the menus from the end of the table, "I'll be right back with your drink order, young man."

Aiden smiled, "Thank you." After the woman scurried away, his attention immediately returned to Spencer and the conversation they were having before the interruption. "Tell me everything."

Spencer spent the next few minutes describing the shock she felt when she first saw Ashley and the awkward conversation they shared.

"What happened after that?"

"Nothing. After I went back up to the roof, she came up a couple minutes later and gave us this lame story about a friend calling to say they needed a lift to work, and that she was sorry but she had to leave."

"She probably got tired of watching you and Corey canoodling."

"Canoodling? What are you, sixty? No one uses that word anymore."

"Shut up."

Spencer smiled. "Corey and I were not 'canoodling'."

"There's never a time when you two aren't _canoodling_."

"Stop saying that word." The light-haired woman covered her ears with her hands. "You sound like my Papa."

Aiden just rolled his eyes and picked through the basket of chips for one that was curved so he could scoop more sauce onto it. Right then, the waitress reappeared with his Mountain Dew. He thanked her and went back to the chip basket. "Maybe fate's doing its thing," he said, restarting the conversation, "bringing the two of you back together again."

Spencer unconsciously played with her straw. "You believe in fate?" she asked, with a raised eyebrow.

"Sure. Don't you?"

"Not really, no."

"Then, why are we here? Are we just stumbling through life without any real purpose?"

Spencer just shrugged in response, and took a sip of her iced tea.

"This is how I see it," the young man started. "We're all traveling through life in individual roller coasters, with our paths already mapped out before us. There's one person in our lives whose track overlaps with ours. Ashley is your person. You allowed her to join your track once but, since she never linked onto your car, she got away. Now fate's bringing you guys back together."

Spencer tilted her head to one side and remained quiet for a moment, just staring at her friend. "Interesting view, but I don't necessarily agree with it. You're implying that Ashley's my soul mate or something, and I think that's kind of--" She shook her head and smiled "--silly, to be honest. I mean, yes, Ashley was an important person in my life, but I don't feel as if we're destined to be together."

"Why not?"

"Because we're completely wrong for each other!"

"Maybe the gods of fate think otherwise."

Spencer rolled her eyes. She was getting tired of all the 'fate' talk. "If the _gods of fate_ really wanted us together, they should've timed it a little better. I'm in love with Corey and, right now, she's who I'm meant to be with." She didn't mean for her words to come out as snappy as they had.

Aiden threw his arms up in the air and repelled backwards. "Okay, okay!"

Rosa came back to the table, carrying two plates. The one in her right hand was so hot she had to wear an oven mitt. She placed that dish in front of Aiden. They both thanked her for their meals before unwrapping their silverware and digging into the food in front of them with a fork.

Spencer asked Aiden about his job, wanting to get the conversation away from her and Ashley, but it eventually went back to them.

Aiden sighed, "If you want to avoid the short awkward chats you're dreading to have with her as you bump into each other in the hallway, you have one solution: befriend her again. I know you two ended things badly, but seeing as how she's your girlfriend's roommate now, I think you should try to work things out."

Spencer's stare fell to her plate, distracting herself by counting the diced tomatoes left buried between tortilla chips and leaves of lettuce. "I don't know if that's a good idea," she said, picking at a large chip with her fork.

"Why not? You're not still harboring feelings for her, are you?"

"Uh, no." Blue eyes flicked up to a pair of darker ones. "It's been four years, Aide. It'd be a little weird if I was still pining over her after all this time, don't you think?"

Aiden shrugged. "She was your first love. First loves stay with you." He watched as Spencer averted her gaze again. "Does Corey know?"

"I told her some things..."

"She knows you and Ashley were a couple, right?"

"Yes. Of course. I couldn't not tell her that."

"Well, you should probably sit down with her and explain everything else."

"Oh, now you're worried about Corey? Ten minutes ago you were telling me I belonged with Ashley."

"After you mentioned Ashley, I started to remember how in love you guys used to be and how perfect I thought you two were as a couple. I just got carried away, thinking about the good ole days." He grinned. "I wasn't trying to dismiss Corey, or imply that she isn't good for you. I love her. I think you two are great together."

"You do?"

"I do. Which is why I think you should tell her the whole Ashley saga." He smiled. "She's got to be curious about some stuff."

"I know she is." Spencer nibbled on her bottom lip. "I just--I don't know how to go about it. If I tell her about what happened between Ashley and I, and how long it took me to get over her, I'm afraid she'll get worried. I don't want her to question what we have."

"What was her reaction when she found out you and Ashley were once a couple?"

"She was really sweet about it all."

"I figured she was." Aiden took another bite of his taco and swallowed it down before saying, "I say tell her. She deserves to know. I really don't think she'll freak out. She's a pretty understanding chick, you know?"

Spencer smiled sweetly, "I know..."

Aiden set his fork down on his plate and leaned back against his seat, feeling stuffed. He never could finish a whole meal at this place. "Let's go back to the befriending Ashley topic."

The photographer shook her head. "I don't think Ashley and I can be friends."

"You'll never know unless you try," he argued. "Have coffee with her one day this week. Talk things out. If you're too uncomfortable to be alone with her, I'll go with."

With a sigh, the blond said, "I'll think about it."

- - -


	7. Six B

**Complicated.**

6b:

_Thursday_

Ever since she learned about Corey and Spencer, Ashley started frequenting the small gym her apartment building had for its residents more often than usual, putting her body through hours of intense exercise each visit. She was in isolation mode; warding off those close to her; preoccupying herself with activities that didn't involve other people to give herself some time alone with her thoughts. That's how she operated whenever an uncomfortable or unusual situation arose. Avert and avoid. Her parents were particularly fond of this method when she was younger.

Staying away from the apartment as much as possible was also part of this isolation period. Being near Corey, acting normal around her, was really hard. Why? Because Corey was dating Spencer. Spencer Carlin. A woman Ashley Davies had once loved with all of her being.

- - -

_"So," Corey started, keeping her eyes on the TV, "what about you? Are you seeing anyone?"_

"I see a lot of people," Ashley responded, distractedly.

"Oh... Why is that?" Corey quickly glanced at the brunette. "Are you afraid of commitment?" she wondered, jokingly.

"Uh, no." Ashley smiled. "I don't do relationships."

- - -

_"When I get too close, fall too hard, or get too attached to people, they leave me," she finally said. "It's been like that all my life."_

Corey was now staring at the smaller woman, the game forgotten. "So, to protect yourself, you avoid all of the above?" She frowned. "Don't you feel like you're robbing yourself of happiness, because you're too scared of getting your heart broken?"

"I'm not scared of getting my heart broken, or falling in love. I just choose not to. My life's less complicated without it."

- - -

Ashley had lied that night. Corey was right; she was scared of love, of getting her heart broken. The pain of loving someone and having that person walk away was excruciating; she knew, she had experienced it many times in her twenty-two years. After her relationship with Spencer ended, she vowed enough was enough. She was finished with relationships. No one was going to hurt her ever again, because they wouldn't get close enough to do so. She put up a barrier around herself, around her heart, blocking others from getting inside, and started controlling who came in and out of her life, and how long they were around. After a while, the need to receive and return love faded. She no longer desired an emotional connection, or a loving, committed relationship with one person. She now craved brief physical contact with people she had no ties to whatsoever. This was easy and painless, and kept her fragile heart whole.

But now things were getting complicated.

Seeing Spencer in a relationship with someone else, happy and in love, was something she had never wanted to witness. It hurt. More than she ever thought it would. But she didn't understand why. It had been four years. She was over Spencer Carlin. Completely. Why was this affecting her so much?

_Fuck._

She lifted her head, eyeing the other people scattered around the room. Each one had the same serious, focused look on their faces. Four were regulars, hardcore types, who came into the gym nearly every day. The other two she had never seen before, but they were just as fit as all the others. She wondered if their lives were as complicated and fucked up as her own, and if exercise was their way of release.

She was on an exercise bike; the upper part of her body was hunched over, arms resting against the handlebars, while her legs pumped fiercely on the pedals below. Her body was exhausted but she pushed herself to continue, knowing she had at least another ten minutes left in her. Jefferson Airplane tunes filled her head, drowning out the noise around her. She closed her eyes, concentrating on Grace Slick's powerful voice pouring out of her earphones. A tap on the shoulder brought her out of her haze.

She looked up to find a pair of concern-filled light brown eyes behind black, thick-framed glasses staring down at her. She stopped pedaling and leaned back, removing the plugs out of her ears. Her tank top was soaked through, sticking to her back; mesh shorts clung to her thighs. She snatched the water bottle out of its holder and untwisted the cap. "What is it, Jen?"

Her roommate just continued to stand there; eyes narrowed, arms folded across her chest, shoulders bunched up, lips drawn into a tight, thin line. "I'm worried about you, Ash. You've been spending hours in here every day." Full lips bent into a small frown. "This much exercise is unhealthy."

A quirky smile formed on the brunette's mouth. "Exercise is unhealthy? Since when?" She slid off the seat, dismounting the bicycle.

Ignoring the sarcastic remarks, the redhead's eyes widened, taking in the body standing in front of her. "Look at you. You're out of breath, covered in sweat, splotchy. It's only been four days and you've already lost weight." Her frown deepened. "You're wearing yourself out. Why?"

Ashley plopped down on the bench and removed a hand towel from her gym bag, using it to wipe her face and neck dry. "I'm fine. I know my limits."

Arms still crossed, Jenna eased down next to Ashley, staying silent for several minutes, while the younger woman's erratic breathing slowly evened out, getting back to normal. "Are you having insecurities? About your body?"

"Wha-- no!"

Jenna exhaled in relief. There was a time when she was obsessed with her own body image; she was well aware of the emotional and physical strain that caused. It was pure torture. "Good, good. Because, babe, there is not one imperfection among that killer body of yours."

Ashley rolled her eyes.

"I'm serious. You're hot."

Looking at her friend, Ashley began to smile. "You're a closeted homo. Admit it. You're just using Topher as a beard." She lifted a hand and flicked her roommate's spiky hair. "This haircut and your lust for my bod proves it."

Jenna grinned, pushing Ashley's hand away and running her fingers through her hair, making sure it was still in place. "You wish."

"Fine, you're straight." With a dazzling smile on her face, Ashley leaned into her friend and whispered, "But I could easily bring you over to my side."

"You've tried and failed, my friend. Remember last New Year's?"

Ashley drew back. "That was a handicapped effort, seeing as how I was completely wasted. Plus, we had an audience. It was more of a show than anything else." She took one more quick sip of water before screwing the cap back on the bottle. "It doesn't count."

Jenna rolled her eyes. "We've gotten way off topic here. We should be discussing you and the abnormal exercise habit you've suddenly adopted."

"I thought that discussion was over."

"Um, no. You still haven't told me why you've been coming in here so much lately." Jenna paused. "I hope you know, your absence around the apartment this week hasn't gone unnoticed by our new roommate. She thinks you're intentionally avoiding the place." She eyed Ashley for a reaction, but the younger woman's expression didn't change. Jenna always found her roommate hard to read. "Are you?"

"Avoiding the apartment?" Jenna nodded. "No. Why would I?"

The redhead shrugged. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe you're uncomfortable with the fact that Corey's dating your _ex-girlfriend_."

"Who'd you hear that from?" Ashley dropped her towel onto her gym bag, and stood up, nudging the bag underneath the bench with her foot.

"No one. I figured it out by the way you were acting Sunday, when Spencer was at the apartment. You were being weird and unusually quiet. Then, you came up with that stupid story and ditched us. It wasn't the typical Ashley Davies behavior I'm used to." Jenna stopped rambling and arched an eyebrow, realizing Ashley didn't deny her earlier statement. "Wait -- so it's true?"

"Yeah." Ashley shrugged. "But, so what? I have plenty of ex-girlfriends crawling around this city. I'm surprised I don't run into one everywhere I go." She smirked as if that was something to gloat about.

"Proud to call yourself a slut?"

Ashley shot her roommate a dirty look and held up a middle finger.

"I think I'll pass. You don't have the right equipment."

"No. But I have something we can use as a substitute that you might enjoy," she retorted, with a wicked glint in her eye.

Unable to come up with an equally clever or inappropriate response, Jenna chose to ignore her roommate's comment. "So if it's not a big deal who Corey is dating," she started, while following Ashley over to the weights area, "then why haven't you been around the apartment much?" Her dark eyebrows rose in a curious manner as she refolded her arms across her chest. "And why the hell are you spending so much time in the gym, working out?"

"You're being really nosey," the brunette grumbled. "And it's starting to get on my nerves." She picked up a set of dumbbells from the rack against the wall and began a simple upper body workout.

"I'm just concerned."

"I told you, I'm fine."

Jenna rested a hand on the brunette's forearm. "Ash, come on. I've been living with you for two years now, I know when you're fine." She motioned to the dumbbells in her friend's hands. "And, honey, this is not something you do when you're fine."

Ashley sighed, and dropped the weights onto the rack. "All right, yes. I am a little uncomfortable around Corey," she admitted. "She's dating someone I used to care a lot about and that I haven't seen in a really long time and it-it's weird, okay?"

Jenna's features softened, as she let her arms fall loosely to her sides. After waiting a beat, she asked, "Do you want Corey to move out?"

"No." Ashley leaned against an unoccupied treadmill. "I just need some time to get used to it, to them." Her eyes swept around the gym. The room was becoming too stuffy to stay in. She had spent hours breathing and sweating with these people; it was time for some fresh air. "Wanna go get a smoothie?"

Shaking her head, Jenna said, "Um, yeah. Okay."

- - -

At a small park a couple blocks away from their apartment, Ashley and Jenna sat on a bench, consuming fruity flavored beverages.

While watching two kids kick a soccer ball back and forth, Jenna played with her straw, sloshing it around in the thick blue liquid that filled her styrofoam cup. "Am I allowed to ask questions about your relationship with Spencer?"

Ashley took a large gulp of her strawberry smoothie before responding. "Sure. You can ask. Doesn't mean you'll get an answer."

Jenna nudged the brunette. "Please?"

Ashley rolled her eyes. "What do you want to know?"

"How long were you two together?"

"A couple years."

Jenna's eyes got big and round. "_Years_?"

"That's what I said, isn't it?"

"What? I've never seen you in a serious relationship. It's shocking to hear you've been in one, let alone one that lasted two years!" Jenna stopped playing with her straw and turned toward the other woman. "Wow, so, this Spencer girl must've meant a lot to you then, huh? I mean, you don't let just anybody stick around for that long."

"I guess so." Ashley wrapped her lips around the straw and sucked a few swallows of the strawberry smoothie into her mouth. Brown eyes followed the red liquid as it passed through the clear tubing of the straw.

"What happened? Why did you guys break up?"

"She moved to New York for school."

"Why did she choose New York?"

"The school there had a really good medical program and it was the one her mom attended."

Jenna frowned. "Wait, I thought she was a photographer?"

"She is. Now. But, back then, she wanted to be a doctor."

"Oh..."

Ashley stared into her cup, watching as the frost on the sides slid down to meet what was left of her smoothie in the bottom. "She moved to the other side of the country, three thousand miles away from me, to go to a school, studying a major that ended up not being 'right for her.'" She laughed ruefully.

"Why didn't you go with her?"

"You know those people that have their futures already planned out from the time they're real young? Spencer was one of them. Becoming a doctor was something she was passionate about. It was her dream. And I just couldn't see myself fitting into that dream world she had wanted to create for herself." Ashley had always thought opening up about this part of her past would be difficult, but having it bottled up inside of her for four years made finally telling someone a breeze; the words flowed freely from her mouth. She couldn't hold back.

"So you broke it off before she moved away?"

"No. She moved, I stayed. Then I waited a few months and did it over the phone. If I had ended it before she left, she would've stayed here in LA. And I couldn't have her do that, give up everything she had planned, for me." A well of emotions that had been locked up for years were bubbling to the surface. Her throat tightened, eyes stung with tears. She clenched her jaw, willing back the flood of emotions that threatened to erupt, wanting to force them back to the place they had been hiding all these years. "She would've left me eventually. Everyone does. I'm fucking toxic."

"Ash--"

"Look, it's true. I've never had anyone in my life care enough to stick around. Why should she be any different?"

"That's not--"

Ashley set her drink down and popped up from the bench, rubbing her palms over her face in frustration. "I'm gonna go for a walk." Jenna started to rise from her seat but Ashley stopped her. "No. I'm going alone. I need to. Okay?" She stared into her roommate's face. "I'll see you back at the apartment."

"I don't want to leave you alone right now."

"Jen, stop. I'll be fine. I just need to be by myself for awhile."

Defeated, the redhead nodded, "Okay."

With that, Ashley wrapped her arms around herself and walked away. If things weren't complicated before, they were now.

- - -


	8. Seven

_Thank you to those who have left comments, I really appreciate it. Glad to see that some of you are enjoying the story. :)_

**Complicated.**

7:

Spencer thumbed through the stack of mail in her hands as she entered her apartment, mentally picking out what was junk and what wasn't. She opened one envelope, her bank statement, and tossed the rest onto the kitchen bar, along with her purse and sunglasses. On that same counter top sat her answering machine. It had a small, red digital 2 blinking in the bottom right corner, telling her the number of messages she had waiting for her. She leaned over and hit the play button.

The first message was work related and unimportant, but she let it play all the way through. Half-listening, she scanned the record of all the purchases she made the month before, then quickly glanced at her balance on the bottom of the page.

Charlie, her Golden Retriever, was sitting at her feet, watching her every move. His tail wagged excitedly against the carpeted floor, while he patiently waited to be acknowledged.

The next message was by Aiden. _"Hey, I'm just calling to remind you about our coffee date. I told my boss that I have a doctor appointment in order to get some time off tomorrow. It's hard to get any time off on a Friday, but since I rarely ever ask, he let me. You hear that? I'm sacrificing part of my Friday, one of our busiest days of the week, to do this, so you cannot back out on me. Call her."_ After the click, the machine informed her that it was the end of her messages and shut off.

Spencer re-folded the bank statement and carefully slipped it back into the envelope before lowering her eyes to the black cordless phone sitting in its base. Sighing, she plucked the phone up and stared at the digits, willing her fingers to follow through with the next step. Calling Ashley and inviting her to join Aiden and herself for coffee was something she had been dreading all week. She knew their conversation was going to be weird and awkward like their face-to-face one was a few days before. But that was the whole point of the coffee meeting, to eliminate the awkwardness between them, reclaim their friendship. That's what Aiden saw happening at least. Spencer wasn't so sure. She was skeptical about the whole thing; the phone call, the meeting, trying to reconnect with Ashley, befriend her. If she had to be honest, she couldn't see herself being friends with Ashley. Ever. There was just too much history between them.

_Dammit. Why did I agree to this?_

She dropped the phone back into its cradle, deciding to give herself some more time before making the call, and looked down at her golden-haired friend on the floor. Smiling, she put a hand under his chin, lifting his head. "Hey pretty boy." She rubbed and scratched the dog behind the ears. "Want to go outside?" Charlie answered her by jumping up and running over to the door. "Hold on, Charlie, let me get your leash."

She bent down to clip the leash onto the dog's collar before going over to the door and opening it up. The dog flew passed her, getting out of the apartment as fast as he could. The photographer had to stretch both arms out and struggle to keep from being dragged away in order to close and lock the door.

- - -

Half an hour later, still on the walk, Spencer pulled her cell out of her pocket, checking the time. It was nearing seven. Ashley would be leaving for work soon. "C'mon, you can do this. It's just a phone call. It's just Ashley." She scrolled through the list of names saved in her phone. Landing on Corey's, she scrolled over to the 'home' icon, then pressed the 'call' button.

As she waited for someone to pick up, the memory of her last phone conversation with Ashley drifted into her head. The ten minute call that, at the time, tore her world apart. She remembered sitting on that cold, hard bathroom tile floor in her dormitory for hours, sobbing.

Shaken, she put her arm through the loop on the leash, gripping it tightly in her hand, and pulled her sixty-five pound friend over to a bench and sat down. There, she closed her eyes and tried to force the painful memory from her thoughts.

- - -

Ashley was getting ready for work when she heard the phone ring. She leaped out of the bathroom and sprinted across the hallway to her bedroom. She listened for the ringing device, trying to determine where it was coming from. After a quick search, she found the cordless buried amongst the rumpled comforter on her bed. "Hello?"

"H-hey, Ashley?"

"Uh, yeah, hey," Ashley mumbled, recognizing the voice on the other end. She cursed herself for not checking the Caller-ID before answering.

"It's Spencer."

Licking her lips, the bartender said, "Corey's not here. She's at the library, I think. Studying."

"I, I know that. I was actually calling to talk to you."

"Oh?" Ashley pulled her legs up onto the bed, folding them underneath her in an Indian-style position. "What about?"

"Aiden and I," the other woman started, sounding hesitant, unsure if she wanted to go through with her invitation. "We, uh, we wanted to see if you'd like to grab a cup of coffee with us tomorrow." There was an uncomfortable pause. Ashley heard birds chirping in the background. "I told him about, well, you know, and he really wants to see you. Play catch up." Another pause. "Corey mentioned you didn't work during the day, so I thought you'd be available. But if you have other plans, that's cool, we can meet up some other time. Or not, if you don't want to."

"It'd be really nice to see Aiden again..." The words passed through her lips before she realized what she was saying. _What am I doing? Say no, say no, say no!_

"Is that a yes? You'll go?"

Ashley mindlessly picked at a stray piece of thread on one of the corners of the bedspread. She wasn't ready to hang out, act normal, or play catch up with Spencer yet. She wanted so badly to turn down the invitation, but an "okay" came out of her mouth instead.

"Okay?"

She chewed on her lower lip. "Yeah, okay. I'll go. Where am I suppose to meet you guys?"

After Spencer told her where and what time to meet, they said their goodbyes. Ashley waited for the click before moving the phone away from her ear and pressing the 'talk' button. She sighed, running her fingers through her thick curls. _Shit. Why did I agree to this?_

- - -


	9. Eight A

**Complicated.**

8a:

While clutching the Gucci handbag over her right shoulder, Ashley stood near her parked car and stared at the small, family-owned café ahead. She couldn't believe she was actually going through with this -- coffee with, not just one, but two of her exes. For her, it was going to be an hour of awkward conversation, fake smiles, and shifting uncomfortably in her chair.

She inhaled a shaky breath, released it, and looked down at the outfit it took her nearly all morning to pick out. Finding a couple of wrinkles in her skirt, she ran both hands over the front of it, smoothing it out. Now satisfied with her appearance, she replaced her hands around the strap of her purse and forced her stiff legs to move forward.

Right outside the café, she could hear the voice of Neko Case pouring out of the speakers overhead. But once she opened the door and stepped inside, the music was quickly drowned out by the chatter coming from the noisy patrons in need of their daily java boost.

As she scanned the crowded area, hoping to catch a glimpse of Spencer or Aiden, she noticed that the building was longer than it was wide. At one end was a work station, with two cash registers and all the essential appliances needed to make the coffee being served. Next to it were three shelving units stocked with items up for purchase; like coffee mugs and thermoses. On the other side of the room, there was a small stage, which she assumed was used for open mic nights. A long couch and four small, cushioned chairs were positioned in front of it. In the center of the café, there were a dozen tables scattered about; some square, some round. What she found most interesting about the place was the color choices; lots of browns and oranges, giving off an autumn feel. The colors weren't very attractive, but they were warm, inviting, cozy.

Nearly every table and chair was occupied; however, not by the two people she was there to meet. She remained where she was for a couple of minutes, searching, until finally, amongst a cluster of people in line to order, she spied the back of Spencer's head. Keeping the blond in view, Ashley began weaving her way through the people in line.

Spencer must have heard her say 'excuse me' to someone behind her, because when she finally got up to the blond, she was turned around, facing her. "Hey. You made it," Spencer said, letting a nervous, shy smile spread across her lips.

"Yeah. Sorry I'm a little late."

"Oh, it's okay. Aiden isn't here yet." Along with the people ahead of them, the two women moved forward, which put them fourth in line. "How are you?"

"I'm good. You?"

"Great."

Ashley gave the woman a forced, fake smile before lifting her gaze to the plastic, lit up menu board above the workers' heads. She was very aware of how close she and Spencer were standing. Close enough to breathe in the scent of _Light Blue_, the same Dolce and Gabbana perfume Spencer wore when they were together, and feel the warmth of Spencer's body against her side. Standing there, being that close, was too much. She tightened her fingers around her purse strap, digging her nails into the flesh of her palms, and moved as far away from the blond as she could within the limited space she had.

Not wanting to slip into an uncomfortable silence and be stuck there, Spencer decided to keep their conversation going by asking, "Have you ever been here?"

Ashley glanced over at Spencer. "Uh, no. How long has it been open?"

"Just a few months. They have really good mochas. Are you still a fan?"

"Oh yeah." A small, tight smile stretched across the brunette's mouth. "My love for a good mocha is one thing that hasn't changed over the years."

"Well, be prepared to fall in love all over again," Spencer smiled, locking eyes with the shorter woman. "These mochas are amazing. The best I've ever had."

Ashley's body had tensed at the wording of Spencer's first sentence. She wasn't sure why that was her reaction. But instead of dwelling on it, she quickly regained her composure, and asked, "The best, huh?" When she lifted her gaze, she saw that Spencer's smile was still in place and just as bright as before, a sign that the younger woman hadn't noticed her reaction.

"The best. I swear to you."

While Spencer redirected her gaze to the menu, Ashley stared at her face, taking in twinkling blue eyes, a cute wrinkled nose and a pair of full lips curled into a little smile. _Fuck. She's gorgeous._ Spencer looked the same as she did four years ago. There were a few changes in her features, but they were slight changes and unnoticeable if you weren't looking for them. "Okay." Ashley felt the corners of her mouth lift into a smile, a real, genuine smile. "I'll take your word for it."

Spencer smiled back. "You won't regret it. I promise. What flavor do you want?"

Ashley turned back to the menu, eyeing the mocha section, reading over the different flavors, trying to figure out what she was in the mood for. Just as she was about to reply, a large man chatting away on his cell phone shoved passed her. She was wearing boots with a nice sized heel, so the collision knocked her completely off balance and sent her falling into Spencer. She felt the photographer's hands move to her waist, holding her there, steadying her. The brunette looked down and saw that her own hands were wrapped around the upper part of Spencer's arms. "Shit," she muttered, quickly dropping her arms to her sides and stepping back. "I-I'm sorry."

Spencer's eyebrows furrowed. "It's not your fault." She flicked her eyes over to the man who had pushed Ashley. He was back at his table. "I can't believe that asshole didn't even apologize. Are you okay?"

Ashley nodded, while removing the hairs that had gotten stuck to the gloss on her lips. "I, um, I'm gonna go find us a table." She slipped the purse off her shoulder, unzipped it, and fished out her wallet. "Just get me a hazelnut."

"Hey, no, I'm getting this one." Spencer laid a hand over Ashley's, stopping her from taking any cash out.

Ashley's eyes lowered to the hand covering her own, lingering there for a moment, before she finally pulled away. Licking her lips, she asked, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I've got it."

Ashley snapped her wallet closed and shoved it back into her purse. "Okay, thanks." With that, she stepped out of the line and began making her way to the restrooms, which were opposite the entrance. She had seen the sign when she walked in.

There were three women in the ladies room when she entered; two were in stalls, one was using the electric air dryer to dry her hands. Ashley went over to the sink, dropped her purse onto the counter and wrapped her hands around the edge. She stood there, staring at her reflection in the mirror. "This has to stop. Now," she whispered.

The woman at the dryer gave her strange look. "Excuse me?"

"Was I fucking talking to you?" the bartender snapped.

The woman muttered something under her breath, then walked out of the bathroom.

Ashley jerked a paper towel out of the dispenser on the wall and roughly wiped at her lips, removing the gloss. After it was gone, she balled up the paper and tossed it into the square-shaped whole cut out in the counter top. As she was reapplying a new coat of gloss to her lips, a toilet flushed, and a woman came out of one of the stalls and joined her at the sink. She eyed the woman in the mirror, wishing there was a way that she could trade places with her, saving herself from anymore torture. Yes, torture. She thought she could handle hanging around Spencer for an hour. But ten minutes alone with her and she was all ready going crazy.

With a sigh, she turned back to her own reflection. _Why is this so goddamn hard?_

- - -


	10. Eight B

**Complicated.**

8b:

Spencer handed her credit card over to the young man working the cash register and watched him quickly slide it through the card slot connected to the computer screen in front of him. She lightly tapped her fingers on the counter top as the receipt for her purchase printed out. He handed the card back with the receipt wrapped around it. "Thank you." She put the card and receipt away, and stayed where she was, waiting for the order.

She was surprised at how well she had managed to hold herself together. Ever since the phone call the day before, she had spent a lot of time brainstorming as many excuses as she could possibly think of to get out of what would surely be an uncomfortable situation. Another talk with Aiden was what got her to go through with it. After six years, he knew how to talk her into just about anything by using the simplest tactics: charm, persuasion, guilt. He always got her to give in.

Her gaze drifted to the table Ashley had snagged over in a corner by the stage. The brunette was slouched forward in her chair with both elbows on the table, one hand holding her head, the other fiddling with her cell phone.

Ashley Davies was not a transparent, easy to read person. She kept most of her feelings well hidden from those around her. Spencer had picked up on this while they were dating, and eventually learned how to read her. An ability she still seemed to possess, four years later. Ashley was trying to hide it, but Spencer could see. See the same nervous, unsure look she had seen on her own face that morning, in the mirror. Ashley was freaking out. She didn't want to be here. That was obvious. So what made her come? Spencer had one guess: Aiden. Ashley wanted to see him. She said so herself on the phone. Aiden was the only reason either of them showed up, and he wasn't even here. Every minute Aiden didn't walk into that café, she grew more aggravated. She didn't want to be left alone with Ashley any longer.

She was snapped out of her thoughts when three large paper cups, fitted plastic lids and cardboard sleeves attached, were placed in front of her. "Thank you," she said, reaching for the cups. The boy behind the counter smiled at her before waving forward the next customer in line.

"Need help with those?"

Spencer turned her head toward the voice. "Finally," she muttered, giving her friend two of the cups. "Where the hell have you been?"

"I'm only a few minutes late," Aiden answered, taking the coffees being handed to him.

"Try fifteen," Spencer corrected the man.

"Really?"

"Yes. We said ten o'clock, remember?"

"Yeah, sorry. I must've lost track of time." Aiden looked down at the two cups in his hands, then at the one Spencer was holding. "I see three coffees here, so I'm assuming Ashley showed."

"She did. On time, unlike you."

"Again, I'm sorry. It was hard to get away. Friday's are one of our busiest days. I told you that." The dark-haired man started looking around the room, obviously searching for Ashley. "Where is she?"

"She got us a table in that corner," she said, motioning toward the area Ashley was sitting in.

Aiden turned in the direction she showed him, but remained standing where he was, until Spencer gave him a little push to get moving. He glared back at the blond.

"Aren't we going over to the table?"

"Give me a few seconds. You're not the only one who's nervous here."

Spencer stared at him with a lifted eyebrow. "You're nervous?"

"Well, yeah. It's Ashley."

Spencer didn't say anything else; she understood. She just gave him a small nod and waited until he was ready.

When they reached the table, Ashley was standing beside it, hands clasped in front of her, a nervous half-smile stuck on her face. "Hey," she said, staring at her old best friend.

"Ashley Davies," Aiden said as he set the coffees on the table and stepped back, looking the small woman up and down. His mouth bent into a big grin. "I can't believe it's been four years since I last saw you. You look amazing." He pulled the small woman into an unexpected hug, gave her a gentle squeeze, which she returned, then quickly released her. "Of course, you always have."

"Thank you." Ashley looked up at him, smiling. "You don't look too bad yourself." She lifted a hand and touched his hair. It was longer and styled in a layered cut, with the longest part stopping a few inches below his jaw. "I love the hair."

"You do?" Aiden rubbed the back of his head. "I'm still getting used to it."

Spencer, who was standing off to the side watching the two reunite, quietly walked around them to the chair opposite where Ashley had been sitting, leaving the seat between them to Aiden. Once Ashley and Aiden were at the table, the three of them sat there, quietly gripping their coffee cups and staring at each other.

Aiden glanced at Spencer, then Ashley, and chuckled lightly. "So, this is weird. I never thought the three of us would be brought back together again."

"Me neither." Ashley lifted her paper cup to her lips and sipped her hot coffee through the whole in the plastic lid. She wiped her mouth and set her cup down in front of her. "Not that this isn't nice. Seeing you guys again. I just never really expected it."

"Yeah, same here. It's kind of crazy that you picked Corey to be your roommate."

"I didn't pick her, exactly. My other roommate, Jenna, suggested her. They work together. But after I met her I knew she'd fit right in. She's great."

"Oh yeah, Corey's awesome. Has she cooked any dinners for you guys yet?"

"Uh no. I don't think so. I work nights, so..."

"You should ask her to cook for you some time. She's one hell of a cook. Seriously. I've crashed a few of their little 'romantic dinners' and snuck myself a plateful of whatever she had prepared." Aiden grinned. "She's good. Like better than Mama Dennison good."

Ashley smiled. "Oh, really? I didn't know that."

Spencer chose not to say anything during the whole exchange, wishing she were away from the table, or someplace else entirely, instead of where she was right then, listening to her best friend and ex-girlfriend talk about her current girlfriend. Awkward Moment No. 2. She rolled her eyes and reached for her coffee. _This is going so well._

Sensing his friend's discomfort, Aiden finally changed the subject. "We should get something going here. I mean, we're here to catch up on each other's lives over the past four years, so let's do that." He glanced at the woman on his right. "Spence, you want to go first?"

"Me?" Aiden nodded. She flicked her gaze over to Ashley, who was now leaning back in her chair with her arms folded across her chest. "Uh, sure." She licked her lips as she tried to get her thoughts together. "Not much has happened in my life really," she started, looking away from Ashley. "I guess most of my focus has been on school. I stayed in New York up until I graduated, then moved back here and started working as one of the photographers for a small fashion magazine, which I was lucky enough to get with the help of a friend back in New York."

"How did you get into photography?"

Spencer lifted her eyes, landing on Ashley's intense stare across the table. She held the woman's stare for a moment, then turned away, choosing to look at the plastic lid on her coffee cup instead. "I kind of went through a hard time my first year of pre-med. I wasn't adjusting to the school or the city as well as I thought I would, and the workload was just too much. I couldn't keep up. By March I was very close to failing one of my classes."

Ashley sank further into her chair. Although it wasn't said, she had a feeling their break-up was part of the reason Spencer had been struggling so much back then.

"After a lot of soul searching, I decided that becoming a doctor just wasn't what I wanted anymore. It was something I was doing to please my mother. Which I've already told you, I think. Anyway. I stopped taking all of my pre-med courses and started looking for another major. A friend of mine told me about a photography class he was in at the time. I had never really considered photography before, but it sounded interesting, so I looked into it.

"The first time I walked around the city taking pictures with this little vintage Cannon camera that I had found at a small shop in the village, I knew I had found what I wanted to do. I swear, it was as if somebody had flipped a switch inside my head. I went through six rolls of film that day. I walked around, taking shot after shot, feeling like I was on a drug-induced high or something. It was amazing."

Aiden turned to Ashley. "Have you seen any of her work?" The brunette shook her head. "The stuff she does for the magazine is great, but her personal stuff is where she really shines. She takes the most gorgeous pictures." He looked over at Spencer. "Where's your portfolio?"

"At home," the blond muttered a little shyly. "I don't take it everywhere I go, you know."

"Well, you should show it to Ashley some time."

Ashley smiled slightly at the blond. "I'd really like to see some of your work."

Spencer glanced at Ashley, surprised. "Really?"

"Yeah. That is, if you're willing to share it with me."

"I didn't think you'd be interested."

"I am."

Spencer smiled. "Okay."

After a sip of coffee, Aiden cleared his throat. "I guess I'll go next." He set his cup on the table before starting. "Obviously, my basketball career didn't work out; I didn't make it to the big time," he smiled, showing that he wasn't too upset about it. "So, I had to find something else I was good at. I'm still working towards it, but I'm on my way to becoming a personal fitness trainer. I have a year of school left to go. This year would've been my last, but I had to put it off to take care of an important responsibility that I've recently acquired in my life."

Ashley stared at him with a confused look on her face. "What are you talking about? What kind of responsibility?"

"I, um," he stuttered, sneaking a look in Spencer's direction, "I had a son."

"Oh." Ashley was stunned, and not sure how to respond. "That's, uh..." Aiden had a child, he was a father, and Spencer was a photographer and dating her new roommate. She picked up her cup and took a large swallow of her hazelnut mocha. "Wow."

"Funny, that was my response when I found out," the man grinned. "Except I had a bottle of Jack Daniels to get me through."

Ashley smiled slightly, and wiped her bottom lip with her thumb. "It's just... a lot has changed. I didn't think so much could happen in four years."

"Oh trust me, a lot can happen in four years."

"I guess so," the bartender mumbled, fingering the plastic lid on her cup. After a moment of silence passed, she lifted her gaze and smiled. "I can't believe you have a son. You're a dad."

"I know, it's a scary thought, right?"

"No, of course not. It's just... weird," she said with a lopsided smile. "I bet you're a great dad."

"The best." Spencer smiled sweetly.

Aiden rolled his eyes at Spencer's comment, and leaned toward the dark-haired woman. "Don't listen to her, I'm not even close to being the best. I have a long way to go and a lot to learn," he said with a sigh. "Hey, do you want to see a picture?"

Ashley nodded.

Aiden reached into his back pocket and pulled out a black leather wallet. He flipped it open and removed a photo, which he handed over to Ashley. "His name is Jeremy. He's seven months old."

Ashley stared at the wallet-sized photo of a beautiful baby boy wearing a mini basketball jersey and tiny Air Jordans. "He's gorgeous," she murmured. Jeremy had a head full of dark hair, smiling brown eyes, puffy cheeks, and a cute, drooling grin. A moment later, she lifted her eyes and returned the photo to its owner. "Really, he's one cute baby."

"Thank you." Aiden's smile grew. "He takes after his father."

Ashley smirked, resting her chin in her hand. "So, who's his mother?"

"Uh, well," Aiden hesitated, flicking his eyes over to the woman on his right again.

Ashley followed his gaze, eyeing the blond at the table curiously. "I think Jeremy's pigmentation is a bit too dark for him to be Spencer's son," she teased.

Spencer released a small chuckle from behind the rim of her coffee cup. "Uh yeah. He's definitely not mine."

Aiden rubbed his stubbly jaw, suddenly getting a little nervous. "Do you remember Sherry Pena?"

"Sherry Pena." Ashley hadn't heard the name in years, however, it wasn't one she had forgotten. Her jaw fell open slightly. "Are you telling me you share a child with the girl who eagerly played the role of Madison Duarte's stupid little sidekick back in high school?"

"That was years ago, Ashley. People change."

"She is very different than she was in high school," Spencer quickly added, wanting to defend the mother of Aiden's child. "I think Madison had a lot of influence over her back then, and she just acted the way she did to fit in. She's a sweetie, really."

Ashley wasn't convinced. "Are you guys, like, together? Married?"

"No, no, we were never really together," Aiden replied, which brought Ashley some relief. "We went home with each other after a party one night. It was just one of those careless, drunken hookups. Stupid, I know. We tried going out on a couple of dates afterward, but we didn't have a whole lot in common, so we decided to just be friends."

"Of course you stayed friends, you have a kid together."

"Well, we didn't find out about that until a couple of months later." He continued, "I'm not seeing anyone right now. I've got too much going on. Work and Jeremy." He picked up his coffee and was about to take a sip but instead asked, "What about you, are you single? In a relationship?"

"Oh, uh, single." Ashley started playing with the cardboard sleeve on her cup, bending a corner of the flap down. "I haven't been in very many relationships over the years."

Aiden glanced over at Spencer before continuing. "What have you been up to?"

"Nothing really."

"Oh come on, it's been four years, you must've had something going on at some point. Have you graduated from college yet?"

Ashley wrapped her hands around her coffee and leaned against the table. "I dropped out halfway through my first year." She looked up at Aiden. "Back then, I was more focused on music than furthering my education. I had a band; we booked gigs all over California, and during the summer, we toured the country, opening for other artists."

"You're not in the band anymore?" Spencer asked, jumping back into the conversation.

"Ah, no. After my dad died, I stepped away and quit singing for awhile."

"What about now?"

"Right now, I'm on my own. I don't have a band. But I do perform at a few local spots on the weekends sometimes. Though, lately, most of my focus -- music-wise -- has been on the Danger Davies Music Program. Ever since my dad passed away, I've been trying to keep it going. He gave birth to it a few years before his death. We have several volunteers in the program, who are very talented musicians."

"What do you do in the program?" Aiden asked before taking a sip of coffee.

"We visit with two orphanages in the city three times a month; spend a few hours with the children, educate them about music, give them free lessons. When I'm able to go, that's what I help out with, guitar and piano lessons." She looked down at the funky, squiggly design on the table top, tracing the pattern with her fingertips. "Most of the kids at these places have no family, nothing, they're all alone in the world, and yet they're always smiling. It's amazing. I'm really happy to be apart of it."

She paused, a small smile creeping its way onto her mouth. "There's this nine-year-old girl, named Emily, at one of the orphanages. She is the shyest child I've ever met. When I first started out, she'd always keep to herself; she never wanted to socialize or participate. One day I stopped my session early and talked with her a bit. After that, I starting going in early to work with her one on one, since she wasn't comfortable with the group setting. We got really close. It only took me a few sessions to convince her to join the regular group lessons."

Spencer was paying close attention to what was being said and to Ashley's hands, which were in constant motion as she spoke. A characteristic Spencer used to tease the brunette about all the time when they were together. However, despite the teasing, she had loved it, and she was happy to see that it had stuck through the years.

"She plays the piano beautifully, but her voice, her voice is what amazes me. She has the sweetest little singing voice. Oh god, it's like--" she stopped. The grin she had on her face disappeared as she realized just how long she had been talking. "Sorry. I'm talking way too much here, aren't I?"

Aiden smiled at her. "I like it."

Feeling shy, Ashley shifted in her chair and forced herself from sneaking a glance in Spencer's direction. "Why?" she mumbled, her eyes on the young man sitting next to her.

"It's nice to hear you talk about something you're obviously very passionate about. I've never seen you like this before." Aiden's smile grew larger. "You've changed a lot."

Ashley quickly averted her eyes and shook her head. "No I haven't."

Spencer tilted her head to one side, looking back and forth between her two coffee dates, then stopped on Ashley. "I think we've all changed a little bit. Changing, growing up, it's apart of life. People do it everyday."

"See? You've changed."

Smiling, Ashley rolled her eyes. "Whatever."

The table fell silent again. Most of the catching up was over with. There was another half-hour left before Aiden had to get back to work and they needed something to fill up that time with. The dark-haired man grinned. "Do you guys remember the road trip we went on that last summer we were all together?" Both women looked at him, smiling and nodding. "I had so much fun that week."

"Me too." Ashley giggled. "Remember how we made Spencer use the bathroom in that field and a cow came out of nowhere and scared the shit out of her? She got piss all over herself."

Aiden barked, nodding. "That was hilarious."

"That was not funny," Spencer argued, shaking her head.

"It was to us. Well, until you almost cried," Aiden said, after getting over his laughing fit.

"I did not almost cry!"

They spent the remainder of their time together telling old stories, reliving the past, drinking coffee, and enjoying each others company. Then Aiden announced he had to leave. The two women gathered up their things and followed him to his car. Ashley programed his number into her phone, promising to call him over the weekend to hangout.

After Aiden drove off, Spencer and Ashley stood next to the empty spot where his car had been parked and stared at each other. The awkwardness from before was back. Neither knew what to say.

Ashley pointed to where her car was parked. "I'm over there. Where are you?"

"Around back."

Ashley nodded. "Do you want to walk with me to my car?"

"Yeah, sure." As they walked, Spencer slipped her hands into her pockets and kept her eyes on the ground. "I'm glad we did this."

Ashley looked over at Spencer. "Me too."

When they reached the car, Spencer turned to Ashley and said, "Listen, I know nothing has changed, everything is still really weird between us, but I realized something today." Ashley stared at her curiously, waiting for her to continue. "I've missed you, Ashley. I've missed having you in my life."

Ashley squeezed the strap of her purse as she felt a lump rise in her throat. She swallowed and diverted her eyes. "I've missed you, too," she admitted softly.

Spencer smiled. "I don't want to feel weird, or awkward every time I'm around you. I hate that feeling. It drives me crazy."

The brunette lifted her eyes. "What do you want?"

"I, I don't know. For us to be friends, maybe?" Spencer could hardly believe what she was asking. Just yesterday she was sure that a friendship with Ashley would never happen, that it wouldn't work, and now here she was, one day later, ready to form a friendship with her.

"Friends? You think we can be friends?"

"I know we've never been friends before. Not really. But I'd like to try." Spencer leaned against the side of Ashley's car, dropping her stare to the gravel. She removed her hands from her pockets and wrapped her arms around herself. "Do you think we can try?"

Ashley sighed. She knew that a friendship with Spencer could get complicated, but she wanted it, she wanted the blond in her life any way she could have her. "Yeah. Let's try."

- - -


	11. Nine

**Complicated.**

9:

Still dressed in what she wore to bed, a wifebeater and boxer-briefs, Ashley padded barefoot into the kitchen, heading over to the refrigerator despite the shock of the cold tile, which after two years she should be used to but wasn't. As she peered into the refrigerator, she left one hand on the doorhandle, keeping it from closing on her. The toes of her left foot were tucked under right for warmth. Moments later, she switched, warming the toes on her other foot.

Not finding anything good in the fridge, she decided on a bowl of cereal for breakfast, and reached for the carton of milk. Corey walked in as she was pulling out a box of Froot Loops from the pantry. "Hey, morning," she said softly to the blond.

"Morning." Corey smiled and moved around her roommate to get to the coffee pot, where she refilled the mug she had carried into the kitchen. "I made coffee if you want to make yourself a cup."

"Oh, thanks. I think I'll wait till I finish eating before I have one." Ashley opened the flap on the cereal box and poured the colorful, fruity-flavored rings into the bowl she had placed on the counter. After adding milk and a spoon, she picked the bowl up and carried it over to the table. Corey joined her a moment later, taking the chair opposite from her.

The blond pulled a leg up onto the chair, sitting with her knee against her chest, foot on the seat. "Spencer said you guys had a good time yesterday," she said, lifting the coffee cup to her lips, "at the café."

"Yeah, it was nice." Ashley picked up her spoon and scooped as much cereal onto it as she could before shoving it into her mouth. She chewed slowly, with the back of her hand covering her mouth as she stared at Corey. She swallowed. "I didn't expect it to go as well as it did."

Corey ran her tongue across her lips, licking away the remnants of coffee, and set her mug down in front of her. "Why not?"

"I don't know. I wasn't sure how it would be seeing them, spending time with them again." Ashley sighed and dropped her eyes to her bowl of cereal. She moved her spoon around in it, patting the Froot Loops down into the milk. "I just wasn't sure."

"I understand; a lot of time has passed."

"Right. That's it. A lot of time has passed. I wasn't sure how much has changed, how much _they've_ changed, and I was just worried and scared about how it would go. But I really had no reason to be. Aiden and Spencer, they're great. Always have been." Corey simply nodded, and Ashley went back to eating. She finished her cereal and took the bowl over to the sink, then turned and leaned back against the counter. "Are we, uh, are we cool?"

Corey's eyebrows scrunched together. She put the foot that she had resting in her seat on the floor and faced the brunette more, getting ready for 'the talk.' The one she had been waiting for all week long. "What do you mean?" she asked, wanting the brunette to clarify.

Ashley closed her right hand around her left wrist and began a nervous, back and forth twisting motion. She kept her head lifted, eyes on the blond at the table. "I feel like I've made a shitty impression this week. You're still new to the apartment, and I should be welcoming you and getting to know you better, but instead I've been avoiding you."

"Hey, look, it's okay." Corey stood and moved toward the smaller woman. "Don't worry about it. I understand." She stopped at the other side of the island counter and set her coffee cup down on top of it. "If I found out my new roommate was my ex's current girlfriend, I'd probably be a little withdrawn, too," she said, smiling slightly.

Ashley tried to smile as well, but couldn't get the corners of her mouth to lift. She sighed. "I, I hope you don't think that the reason I've been keeping my distance is because I still have feelings for Spencer or anything, because that's not the case at all." Not wanting to look at the other woman anymore, she shifted her stare to the letter magnets on the refrigerator door, searching for little words in the colorful cluster. "Seeing her again was a shock, and I just needed some time alone, to gather my thoughts, get used to the situation." She licked her lips and looked down at her hands. "But, really, I'm over her. Completely."

Corey noticed that Ashley couldn't quite meet her gaze while she spoke, but not wanting to read too much into it, she nodded and said, "Ash, it's okay. I didn't think you still had any feelings for her."

"So," the brunette lifted her eyes, "we're cool?"

"Yeah, we're cool."

A slow, relieved sigh passed through Ashley's lips. She smiled. "I think I've had my share of serious discussions today." She pushed off of the counter and grabbed a clean coffee cup from the dish drain. "For once, I've gotten them out of the way at the start of it, which feels really good. I should be able to get through the rest of the day with ease." She rolled her eyes and added, "Hopefully."

Smiling, Corey walked over and stood next to the bartender. "How about we make a deal? If we ever get in another uncomfortable situation or whatever, we agree to talk it out first, instead of avoiding the issue or each other for days and days. Deal?"

"Sounds good." Ashley sipped her coffee, then nodded. "Deal."

Corey smiled at the brunette. "I know we haven't spent a whole lot of time together, but I like you. I enjoy your company, and I really like living here with you and Jen. I just wanted you to know that."

Ashley cradled her cup against her stomach. "Good, because if you didn't like me, you'd probably hate me. It's one or the other with me, there's no in-between."

"How could anyone hate you? You're a fun, witty, beautiful girl."

"Are you flirting with me?" the older woman asked, smirking.

"No, I'm merely speaking the truth." Corey grinned, and moved to put her empty mug in the sink. "So, no more weirdness?" she asked as she turned back around. "Everything's good between us?"

"Yes. We're good."

"Do you want to go play that video game? You know the James Bond one I claimed to have never heard of and kicked your ass playing a few nights back?"

Ashley narrowed her eyes. "You've played that game before? You little bitch!" She went to slap Corey on the arm but the blond was quick to dodge her striking hand and began backing out of the kitchen.

"I'll go easy on ya this time!" With that, Corey disappeared.

"I don't know if I want to play with a cheater!" Ashley hollered to the blond, but went out and joined her for a game anyway.

- - -


	12. Ten

_Note: Thank you to everyone who's given me feedback so far. You guys rock! Sorry this took so long. I'm in my second year of college and I have a full-time job, so my schedule is kind of crazy. I won't be able to update that often, but I have no intention of dropping this story. The updates will keep coming, however, there might be a week or so delay in-between each one, just until I get things under control in my real life. I hope you all will stick with me through this and continue to read. Thanks again for the comments!_

**Complicated.**

10:

Corey was lying on the couch, her head on the arm, knees bent in front of her, history text book propped up against her thighs. Pete Yorn's smooth, relaxed vocals spilled out of stereo speakers and filled the living room. It was the only noise in the apartment besides the air conditioning unit. Everyone was out. For the first time since she moved in, she was all alone. It was nice. She was taking advantage of this roommate-free moment to get some much needed studying done.

Twenty-five minutes into it, a cell phone went off, interrupting her concentration. She sat up, stopped the CD that was playing with the remote, and plucked the phone up from the coffee table. She flipped it open to view the name that appeared on the display screen. _Spencer_. She hit the answer button and put it to her ear. "Hey, babe," she said, sweetly. "What's up?"

"I was just thinking about you, and decided that I'd rather be talking to you." There was a short pause. "Hold on." She heard the sound of a car engine starting. A moment later, her girlfriend was back, "Okay, what was I saying? Oh yes. I wanted to hear your voice. That's why I'm calling."

Corey smiled. "Where are you?"

"I just left my mother's house."

"How did lunch go?"

"It was... okay." Corey heard a little sigh on the other end, then, "Mom spent most of the time grilling me about my dad's new girlfriend, which I have to admit, I didn't mind too much. At least it took the focus off of my life and relationship for once."

"Wow, so, you and your mother managed to have a whole meal together without my name or our sinful relationship coming up at all? That's... unusual."

"I know. I thought so, too. She must be on something."

"Whatever it is, let's hope she stays on it."

"She did mention you when I was leaving."

Corey fell back against the couch, getting into a comfortable slouch position, putting her feet on the coffee table. "Ah, see, I knew she couldn't go without making one comment. What did she say?"

"Actually, it wasn't bad. She told me to tell you hey and that she hoped you could join us next time."

Corey wasn't expecting _that._ "She did not."

"She did, I swear. She had a pleasant attitude all day long. It freaked me out. I'm not used to being around a pleasant, respectful Paula. Normally when we're together, she goes into a verbal attack over the things in my life she disapproves of. But, today, not one inappropriate comment was made."

"Hmm. Maybe she's finally coming around."

"I doubt it."

"Maybe she got laid."

"Um, please, no talk of my mother getting laid. That's not something I want to think about. Ever."

A wicked grin formed on Corey's mouth. "Would it be okay if _I_ thought about it?"

"Corey, she's my _mother_!"

"I know. She's hot, though."

"I'm hanging up now."

"Okay, okay, I'll be good," Corey chuckled. "Promise." She laid her head on the back of the couch, using her shoulder to hold the phone against her ear as she played with the drawstrings on her hoodie. "Where are you headed?"

"Home for a few minutes to check on Charlie. What do you have going on today?"

"Nothing much. Just some studying, but, uh, I think I've gotten enough done all ready. You want to come over and keep me company? I've got the apartment to myself."

"I'd love to come over and keep you company."

Corey grinned.

"Where's everyone else?"

"Topher and Jen went to the beach. They should be gone for a couple more hours. And Ashley went out with Aiden. I think they were meeting for lunch, or something."

"Aiden?"

"Yeah. I'm pretty sure that's who she said she was going with." Corey waited for a response, but nothing came, the woman on the other end of the line was silent. "Feeling left out?"

"Oh, no. Not at all. I just, I wasn't aware they made plans. Aiden didn't mention anything about it when I talked to him this morning..."

"Ashley told me they used to be close."

"Yeah, they were really close."

"I think it's good that they're hanging out together, rebuilding their relationship." She nervously pulled stray threads out of the drawstring she was picking at.

"I think so, too." After a short pause, Spencer said, "Hey, babe, I've got to let you go, my phone's about to die and I don't have the charger with me. I'll be over there in half an hour, okay?"

"Okay. I'll be waiting."

"I love you."

"Love you, too. Bye." Corey pulled the phone away from her ear and closed it. "That was... weird."

- - -

An hour later, the couple was curled up on the couch, watching an old Ethan Hawk movie on the television. Two half empty bottles of Corona sat in front of them on the coffee table. They didn't bother with popcorn since both had just eaten lunch.

Spencer laid her head on Corey's shoulder and slipped an arm around her waist, snuggling up to her girlfriend.

Corey had one arm draped over her shoulders; the other was at her side. She lifted it on to her waist, covering Spencer's, and pulled her girlfriend closer.

The warmth, the smell, the feel of the younger woman's body was comforting. Safe. Spencer could spend the day in Corey's arms. Blue eyes fell from the television set, landing on socked feet propped up on the coffee table, traveling up jean covered legs, stopping at a bare knee peaking out of a hole in the denim material.

Corey rested her cheek atop the older woman's head, inhaling the fruity shampoo scent lingering in the long, silky tresses. Since the phone conversation ended weirdly, she decided to bring up Ashley again, to see if she got a similar reaction. "Ashley and I had a talk yesterday," she whispered, lightly moving her thumb back and forth over Spencer's arm.

"Oh, yeah? What about?"

"She wanted to clear some things up about what's been going on with her this week, why she's been spending so much time away from the apartment."

Pulling away, the photographer sat up, tilting her head to one side as she stared at her girlfriend's face, wanting to hear more details of this 'talk.'

Corey sighed at the loss of contact and tore her eyes away from the television after setting it to mute. She could tell by the look on her girlfriend's face that she was expected to continue. "Look, for Ashley, I think seeing you again and living with me was a lot to take on all at once. And she needed to step away from everything for a little bit. Regroup."

Spencer nodded. "So, you were right, she was avoiding the apartment."

"Well, yeah, I guess, but she seems okay now; more comfortable. I think that little get-together you guys had Friday helped. We hung out for a couple of hours yesterday. It was fun."

"You hung out with her?"

"Um, yeah." Corey stared at her girlfriend with narrowed eyes, wondering why that was so shocking to her. "We're going to be hanging out a lot, Spence; we live together."

"I know that." Spencer flicked her gaze away from her girlfriend and picked at her sweater, removing a piece of nonexistent lint. "It's just, it's weird. My girlfriend and my ex hanging out, becoming friends, _living_ together... I know you've been here over a week now, but I still haven't gotten used to... all of it."

Corey rested an elbow on the back of the couch and idly began running her fingers through her short hair. "I know it's weird for you, Spence." She watched her girlfriend carefully. "It's weird for me, too. Really weird."

Spencer frowned slightly, "I know."

"I'm living with my girlfriend's ex. I think anyone would consider that an uncomfortable situation. What makes it even more uncomfortable, for me, is how little I know about your relationship with Ashley. I'm in the dark about so much, but--"

"Corey, listen," Spencer said, twisting around to face the younger woman, "if you want to know about my relationship with Ashley, just ask me. I'm ready to talk about it."

Corey shifted, sitting up more. "Are-are you sure?"

Spencer nodded. "Yeah. I mean, I've been avoiding the topic of Ashley since Sunday night, but now, after Friday, after having coffee with her, I think we're going to try to work something out, try to form a friendship, and I don't want to do that unless you know the whole story. You deserve to know."

The younger blond placed a round, decorative pillow over her middle and hugged it to her body, almost like a shield, protecting her from what she was about to hear. Now that she had finally gotten to this point, she wasn't sure if she wanted to learn more about Spencer's past with Ashley. "I guess, I guess what I'm most curious about is who ended it."

Spencer turned away from Corey, sinking further into the sofa cushion, eyes darting back to the entertainment center, focusing on the television. "She did; three months after I moved to New York, over the phone." She stared at the muted characters on the screen, watching their faces and mouths move as they spoke to one another. "Back then, my life was so crazy. Every day I felt like I was in a race that I could never keep up with. I had so much going on, a whole new list of things to take care of, and after just a few weeks, Ashley was at the bottom of the list. With the distance and everything, I couldn't give her the attention she wanted, or needed. I wasn't there for her."

The shorter haired woman lifted her head. Spencer did the same and met her gaze. "Was she supportive of your decision to live in New York before you moved?"

"Yes. Completely. I probably wouldn't have left if she hadn't been."

Corey found that interesting. "Really? You would've stayed in L.A. for her?"

"Yeah, I think I would have. She was really important to me." Spencer turned away, staring down at her hands, which were tucked between her knees, thumbs poking out towards the TV. Mouth suddenly dry, she licked her lips and stared at her beer sitting next to Corey's on the coffee table but made no move to reach for it. "After she broke up with me, I thought about moving back to L.A., to see if I could get her back somehow, but I was too scared. I could barely stand being rejected by her over the phone, I didn't want to know what it would be like standing right in front of her." Spencer couldn't believe she was saying all of this to Corey. "I also didn't think I meant the same to her as she did to me."

"Why did you think that?"

"I don't know, just by the way she ended it. Even though things weren't great between us, communication-wise, I still thought we were okay. The break-up came out of nowhere for me."

Remembering the conversation she had with her roommate the other night, Corey said, "Ashley told me she's only been in love one time."

Spencer uncomfortably smiled. "There have been a lot of people in Ashley Davies' life. _A lot_ of people." She pulled her hands free and tugged the sleeves of her sweater over them before wrapping her arms around her waist, closing herself off to the woman beside her. "She may not have been talking about me."

"I know she was talking about you. She had to have been. Who can have a two-year relationship with you and not be in love? It only took me two months to fall for you." Corey reached for one of Spencer's arms and pulled it over to her lap, where she gently pushed up the sleeve, uncovering Spencer's hand, and laced their fingers together. "You're easy to fall in love with, Spence. I have a feeling anyone who's ever been with you knows this."

Spencer stared at their clasped hands. "Even if I am the one Ashley was talking about, it doesn't matter. What we had is in the past. There's nothing between us anymore." She lifted her head, catching Corey's gaze, making sure their eyes remained locked before repeating, "Nothing." She brushed away the bangs in Corey's eyes with her free hand and leaned forward, pressing her lips against her girlfriend's.

- - -


	13. Eleven

_Note: Thank you for the comments. I really appreciate every single one of them. This part may not be that interesting, nothing much happens; however, the next chapter is _all_ Spashley, so that'll be one to look forward to, I think. It'll be posted soon._ :)

**Complicated.**

11:

Early Monday morning, around 2 a.m., after cramming hard for a test, Corey was in the bathroom brushing her teeth, getting ready for bed, when she heard two loud thumps in the hallway followed by cursing and soft giggling. She quickly rinsed her mouth and toothbrush before poking her head out of the bathroom door to inspect what was happening outside.

A very drunk Ashley was on the floor, trying to quiet the girl that was standing over her by shushing her.

"Uh, hi." A curious smile formed on Corey's lips as she eyed the pair. "What's going on?"

Ashley's friend twirled around and stopped giggling long enough to say, "Sorry. I think I got your roommate a little drunk."

Corey looked down at Ashley. She was making an attempt to stand on her own but having a very hard time at it. "A little?" the blond questioned, stepping forward, giving her roommate a hand. She slipped her arms under Ashley's and pulled up, lifting the brunette to her feet. After getting Ashley in a standing position propped up against the wall, Corey turned, facing the woman Ashley had brung home with her. With the only source of light coming from the bathroom, she wasn't able to see the woman clearly, but she could tell that she was blond and had on a short, slinky dress, with the spaghetti straps hanging off her shoulders. "Hey, uh, I think I got it from here. You can go now."

"No, I got it," the woman said, smirking. "I didn't come here just to drop her off, if you know what I mean."

"She's completely wasted. Look at her." Corey motioned toward Ashley, who had her head down, hair covering her face. She started to lean too far to the left and began sliding down the wall. Corey quickly grabbed hold of her, steadying her, then glanced back at the blond. "I don't think she's going to be much... fun tonight."

Annoyed and disappointed, the woman looked Corey up and down. "Well, what about you?" She smirked and moved behind Corey, placing her mouth up to Corey's ear. She whispered, "Are you up for some fun?"

Corey cleared her throat. "Sorry, uh, no. I'm not interested. At all." She pulled Ashley away from the wall and put one of the brunette's arms over her shoulders. "I'm going to get her to bed. You remember where the door is, right?"

"I'm not leaving."

"Excuse me?"

"Ashley wants me here. She wouldn't have invited me over if she didn't."

"Jesus! She's out of it, can't you see that?" Corey sighed, shifting her weight to her right foot, as she stood there, with Ashley's body hanging on her side. "Look, if you leave me your name and number, I'll be sure to give it to her tomorrow. Then, you guys can pick up where you left off some other time. As for tonight, nothing's happening, you're going home."

"Fuck this shit," the irritated blond muttered, spinning around and stomping down the hallway.

After getting Ashley settled onto her bed, Corey left the room to check if the annoying blond woman was really gone. She returned a moment later to find Ashley sitting up on her elbows, looking toward the doorway. "Did she leave?" she asked, quietly.

"Uh, yeah," Corey answered, staring at the brunette, confused. "Wow. You sober up pretty fast."

Ashley scooted to the edge of the mattress and removed her heels. "In the cab, on the way over, I realized I had slept with her before, about a year ago. She got kind of clingy afterward. Took me a couple weeks to get rid of her." She stood up from the bed and moved toward the dresser, tossing her purse to the floor on the way. There, she began removing all of the jewelry she was wearing; earrings, bracelets, necklace. She neatly set everything on the dresser top in individual piles. "So, not wanting to go through that hell again, I pretended I was more drunk than I really was, and when I got to my room, I was going to pass out. Or, you know, fake it."

Corey was highly amused by the situation. "You didn't remember her?"

Ashley smiled sheepishly. "I know that must sound terrible, but back then, she was a redhead. Now, she's a blond. Sometimes a change in hair color can completely transform a person."

With a smirk, the younger woman asked, "What tipped you off?"

"That annoying twelve-year-old giggle of hers. My god, did you hear that?"

Corey laughed. "Of course I did. That's the only sound she could make. Well, up until I told her to leave."

"Thanks for that, by the way. You didn't have to step in, but I'm glad you did. I'm not sure if pretending to pass out would've been enough to send her away. She seemed pretty determined."

"You were falling over drunk, there was no way I was going to leave you in her hands, free to do whatever the hell she wanted to you."

Leaning against the dresser, facing the blond, Ashley shook her head and smiled. "It's disgusting how sweet you are."

Corey rolled her eyes, and walked over to Ashley's bed, taking a seat at the foot of it. "So, did she recognize you? She had to have, right?"

"She's the one who approached me, so, yeah, I'm willing to bet she remembered me."

"And she never let on that she knew you? That's crazy."

"I know, she's psycho." Ashley reached behind her, pulling the zipper on her dress down before shedding the garment, letting it fall to the floor around her feet, leaving her only in a black strapless bra and panties. She stepped out of the dress and went back over to her dresser, taking out a t-shirt and shorts. "I always attract the psychos," she said, while slipping into the clothes.

Corey kept her gaze averted while Ashley changed. "I've gone out with a few psychos in the past. They're... interesting."

Fully clothed, Ashley sat down at the opposite end of the bed, with her back against the headboard. "Who wins the title of Biggest Psycho?"

"Out of my ex-girlfriends?"

The brunette nodded.

"Oh god, uh..." Corey chewed on her lip as she went through a mental list of all of her ex-girlfriends. "Naomi. Definitely Naomi," she replied, nodding. "We only went out for, like, six weeks last year. But I guess that was long enough for me to leave an impression. After I broke it off, she turned into a stalker. Everywhere I went, she showed up; school, parties, restaurants, the grocery store."

"How long did she keep it up?"

"About a month. My mom wanted me to file a restraining order against her but I wasn't scared of her, or threatened by her, so I didn't bother."

"How'd you get rid of her?"

"She found someone new to go crazy over. I was out of the woods after that. Haven't seen or heard from her since." Corey leaned back on her hands and looked over at Ashley. "What about you? Which one of your exes is the Biggest Psycho?"

"You know what, I couldn't say. I've gone out with too many. It'd be impossible to rank which one is more worthy of the Biggest Psycho title."

"I think the real reason is you don't remember all of them."

Ashley narrowed her eyes before cracking a smile.

"I'm right, aren't I?" Corey grinned.

"I remember them, just not their names."

Corey nodded, with a little smile, "Uh-huh, okay." She eyed the clock on Ashley's night stand, reading the time. 2:47. She had a class at nine, but she figured it wouldn't hurt to stick around and talk for a few minutes. "You missed a huge argument between Topher and Jenna earlier."

"They're always fighting."

"Really? I've never seen them fight before."

"You haven't lived her very long. They have it out nearly once a week." Ashley stood up on the mattress and grabbed one of the strings hanging from the ceiling fan, pulling it twice. The fan picked up speed, making the room instantly cooler. "What was it about this time?" she asked, returning to her Indian-style sitting position against the headboard.

"I have no clue. I was in my room trying to study. I heard a lot of yelling but with my stereo on I couldn't really tell what was being said."

"It was probably about loser Topher being unemployed. He's been mooching off of his parents and Jen for almost four months now. I think Jen's getting tired of it."

Corey laid back, putting her arms underneath her head. She stared up at her dark-haired roommate. "How did you meet Jenna?"

"Oh, uh, Lisa, the girl who lived here before you, introduced us at a party a few years ago. I was in a band with Lisa's boyfriend at the time, so I knew her through him. Jen was Lisa's best friend. They've been close for years; since grade school, or something like that. Anyway, after she introduced us, we all started hanging out a lot and became pretty close."

"What about Topher? How did Jen meet him?"

Ashley leaned forward, away from the headboard, and picked at her bedspread. "Topher used to be in a local hardcore band that Jenna liked. She met him after a show one night. It was a couple of weeks after I met her, so I've been around since the very beginning of their rocky relationship."

"It was rocky from the start?"

"Oh yeah. They're actually more stable now. When they met, Topher was pretty fucked up, addicted to crystal meth and shit. But Jen was drawn to him. I, personally, don't understand why." Ashley rolled her eyes. "They got serious really fast. After a couple of months of dating, they moved in together. That's when things started changing; he was getting high all the time, treating her like shit, sleeping around on her. She stayed with him for a year, a whole fucking year, before she finally got fed up and left. She moved in with Lisa and I, which didn't make Topher happy at all.

"One night, a couple of weeks after she ended their relationship, he came over here completely ripped. Forced his way inside. He went into the kitchen, where Jenna was, and dropped to his knees in front of her, locked his arms around her legs, and just sobbed, begging her to forgive him, to take him back, promising her he'd get help. Lisa and I didn't know what to do. We wanted to call the cops, but Jen wouldn't let us."

"What happened after that?"

"He did what he promised; he got help. She took him back. They've been together since."

"You don't seem too happy about that."

"I'm happy that they're happy, finally."

"But?"

"But... part of me has never been able to forgive Topher, for how he treated Jenna. She's like family to me, and he hurt her. Badly." Ashley pulled her legs up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. "I know he's changed drastically since then, he's done a complete one-eighty, but I think she deserves better."

"It's understandable that you feel that way, since she means so much to you."

The brunette rested her chin on her knees and frowned. "I've never been too good at letting go of things that happened in the past."

"Ah, a grudge holder."

"That's not a good characteristic to admit having, huh?"

"Not really, no. But thanks for doing so. I now know that if I ever get on your bad side I'll never be forgiven. So, from here on out, I'm gonna try to make an effort to stay on your good side."

Ashley put a hand over her mouth, stifling a yawn, before saying, "Hey, I forgive some people... sometimes." She smiled. "Depends on the situation."

"I'm not willing to take any chances on that," the blond grinned. "You're tired; I should let you get some sleep." She glanced back over at the clock. "I've got class in a few hours, anyway. I need to head to bed."

"Oh, okay."

Corey moved to the edge of the bed. When her bare feet hit the carpeted floor, she stood up and stretched her body.

Ashley got up as well to follow her roommate to the door. "Goodnight."

"'Night," Corey said with a smile before disappearing out into the hallway.

After the door was closed, Ashley leaned against it and, tiredly, ran her hands through her hair, tangling her fingers in the thick curls. Corey was amazing. Ashley should be happy that Spencer had found someone like her, right? Right.

Well, she wasn't.

- - -


	14. Twelve A

**Complicated.**

12a:

Ashley pulled into an empty parking spot in front of a six-story building and shut off the engine. She skimmed over the piece of paper that the directions were scribbled on, double-checking the address. It matched the digits over the building's entrance; she was at the right place. Flipping the visor down, she quickly checked herself in the mirror; makeup, hair, everything was in place. Before getting out of the car, she freed her key from the ignition and grabbed her purse off the passenger's seat.

To reach the main lobby, she had to pass through a set of glass double doors, a small foyer, then another set of double doors. A beautiful twenty-something year-old blond was sitting behind the receptionist's desk, with a telephone stuck to her ear, smacking on chewing gum and overusing the word 'like' as she rattled on and on. Ashley had a feeling the phone call wasn't work related, so she removed her sunglasses and leaned over the desk, getting the young woman's attention. "Hi," she smiled, tightly. "I'm here to see Spencer Carlin."

With a bothered look, the blond flicked her gaze from her important task, filing her nails, and stared up at Ashley. "Hey Joey," she squeaked into the receiver, "can ya hang on a sec?" After waiting for a response, she moved the phone away from her ear and placed it on her shoulder, resting it there for the time being. "Who are you here for?"

"Um, Spencer. Spencer Carlin."

The young woman reached for a post-it note she had stuck to the top of her computer screen. "Ashley Davies?" she asked, lifting bored blue eyes.

"That's me."

Pulling out a desk drawer, the receptionist removed a visitor's ID and dropped it onto the counter part of the desk Ashley was leaning on. "Spencer's on the fifth floor today. Once you get off the elevator, take a left, and go down to the third door on the right. During a photo shoot, no one listens out for the door, so don't worry about knocking, just go right in."

"I didn't think the shoot was still going on." Ashley picked up the ID, clipping it to the belt loop on her jeans. "Wasn't it supposed to be over with by now?"

"It started late. Spencer called down here a few minutes ago, telling me to send you on up."

"Oh, okay." Ashley looked around in search for the elevators, spotting them on her right. She glanced back at the blond receptionist, and said, "Thank you."

The blond gave her a brief false smile before picking up the phone and getting back to 'Joey'.

On the ride up to the fifth floor, Ashley leaned against the wall of the elevator, staring at the numbers above the closed doors, watching them light up as the elevator hit that specific floor. She gripped the railing behind her, tightly, not wanting to let go. She was nervous. Not quite as nervous as she was going to meet Spencer and Aiden for coffee last Friday; she had gotten used to everything since then, for the most part. But, still, she was nervous. Lunch. Just her and Spencer. Alone, for an hour. What the hell were they going to talk about for a whole hour?

The only reason she accepted the lunch invitation from Spencer was to see if they could actually do it, be friends. It was a test. A test she wasn't all that certain she could pass.

The elevator eased to a stop and a ding was heard before the doors slid open. The bright hallway lighting filtered inside the softly-lit box. Pushing off the wall, she moved forward, and with a sigh, stepped out of the elevator.

Following the receptionist's directions, she made her way down the hallway, toward the third door on the right. There was about thirty people in the large studio-like room, all buzzing around crazily like bees. She wasn't sure where to go, what to do, or how she would find Spencer in all this madness.

An older man pushing a cart came through the door behind her. She moved out of his way, allowing him to roll past. "Excuse me, hi," she said, catching up to him. "I'm looking for Spencer Carlin. Do you know where, in the midst of all of _this_," she motioned around the room, "she might be located?"

The man nodded, "Sure do. I'm heading over in that direction right now. Follow me."

"Thank you," she smiled, grateful. As they walked, she stayed a couple paces behind the man, taking in the large studio, busy workers, makeup and hair area, half-dressed models...

"Ma'am?"

Ashley blinked and turned her head around, facing the man in front of her.

"She should be on the other side of that screen."

"Oh, thanks." Ashley peered around the large screen the man had pointed at, spotting Spencer immediately.

The blond was standing in front of one of the models, adjusting part of her outfit with one hand, cradling a camera with the other. Moments later, she stepped back, lifted the camera, and began snapping away, giving the model direction whenever she didn't like a certain pose or facial expression.

Ashley wouldn't dare admit it out loud, but she thought this take charge, bossy attitude Spencer had going on was a little sexy. She continued to watch quietly from where she was standing for several minutes, until a tall dark-haired man came up beside her, asking if he could help her with anything.

She looked up at him with a small smile. "No thanks. I'm just here for Spencer."

With narrowed eyes and a big smile, he asked, "Girlfriend?"

"Friend, actually. Just a friend."

"Single friend?"

Wishing the annoying young man would disappear, her lips stretched into a tight smirk. "Single, _gay_ friend."

"Ah, okay. That's cool." His head bobbed up and down twice before he thrust his right hand out, expecting Ashley to grab hold with her's and shake it, which she reluctantly did. "I'm Noel."

"Ashley."

"Nice to meet you, Ashley."

"You too," she mumbled, turning back to Spencer.

"I was just going through some of the photos Spencer's all ready taken today. Would you like to see them?"

"Um..." She was enjoying seeing Spencer in action, but she really wanted to take a peek at what the blond was creating with that camera. "Sure, okay."

Noel led her over to a cart that was set up a few feet away. A lot of important looking computer equipment sat on top of it. He took the chair in front of the large flat-screen monitor and told Ashley to take the other. With a simple click of the mouse, a file was opened and a ton of thumbnail sized pictures loaded up on the screen. He adjusted the sizes, making the pictures more viewable.

Ashley rested an elbow on the arm of the chair and leaned forward. "Wow."

"She's good, huh?"

"Amazing."

"She's just starting out, but with this much talent, at her age, it's safe to say she's got quite a future ahead of her, career-wise. The magazine was lucky to get her to sign on as one of the contract photographers. Really lucky. But, we know she's going places."

After going through all of the photos, which were gorgeous, Ashley stayed seated beside Noel, and was listening to him explain his role at the magazine, when Spencer appeared next to her. "Oh, hey," she smiled, playing it cool, trying not to come off as nervous as she really was at the blond's sudden presence.

"Hey," Spencer said, handing over the camera she had just finished using to Noel. "I'm, uh, I'm so sorry for the delay. Problems with the equipment set us back an hour." She paused, tucking some hair behind her ear. "I, I tried calling your apartment, but there was no answer, and I didn't have your cell number, so..."

"Well, it's okay, I don't mind the wait."

"Really? You're not completely bored?"

"No way. I'm at a photo shoot, watching you do your thing for the first time, with hot models walking around me every few minutes, practically naked." Ashley grinned, nose crinkling. "Trust me, I'm far from bored."

The brunette's grin had always been contagious; Spencer couldn't help but smile back. "I figured you wouldn't have a problem with the models."

"I never have a problem with models."

Noel leaned toward them, "Um, hello? I think you left someone out."

"Oh, sorry," Ashley smiled, patting his arm. "Noel, here, has done an excellent job of keeping me entertained for the past ten minutes."

"He's good at that." Spencer shifted her eyes to Noel, smiled, then quickly returned her attention to Ashley. "We'll be wrapping up in the next twenty minutes - I hope."

Ashley nodded. "Okay, cool. Take your time." She bit the inside of her cheek as she watched Spencer walk away, and when the blond was out of earshot, she blew out the breath she had been holding. She hated the jittery, racing heart feeling she got whenever she was around Spencer. Hated it.

- - -


	15. Twelve B

**Complicated.**

12b:

Ashley played with the skinny green straw sticking out of the top of her cup, sloshing it around several times, then plunging it through the crazy amount of crushed ice their server gave her. She put the straw between her lips and sucked whatever liquid that would come up, which was barely considered a sip in her opinion. They'd only been at the restaurant for fifteen minutes, hadn't even gotten their food yet, and she'd already consumed an entire lemonade.

"So," Spencer said, clearing her throat, leaning her elbows against the high-top table they were seated at. She stared at the woman sitting across from her. They hadn't spoken much since they left the studio. Other than a few words here and there, it had been mostly silent between them. In the elevator ride down to the lobby and in the car ride to the restaurant -- silence. Weird, uncomfortable silence. "What did you think about the photo shoot?"

Ashley set her cup down on the table in front of her and leaned back in her chair. "Oh, um, I liked it. It was cool," she replied, smiling slightly. "I've never seen you so focused and in control."

"Yeah." Feeling the heat of a blush coming on, Spencer rested her chin in her upturned palm, pressing her cool fingers against her warming cheek. She absently picked at her silverware with the other hand. "I, I kind of go into this zone when I'm working. Everything around me fades away, and all of my attention is on the subject and how I can capture it through the lens of my camera."

"Subject?" With a smirk and a raised eyebrow, the dark, curly-haired woman asked, "You mean, hot, half-naked models?"

Spencer grinned. "I'm not always photographing hot, half-naked models. But, in this case, yes, that was my subject."

Right then, the waiter, Todd, according to the name tag on his shirt, walked up with their food. "BLT Club?" he asked, looking between the two women. Spencer held up her hand. He placed that order in front of her. "And the oriental chicken salad is for you," he said as he gave Ashley her food.

"Thank you." Before he could run off, Ashley held up her cup. "I need a refill. Lemonade, _no ice_."

"Sure." He looked over at Spencer. "Do you need a refill as well?"

"Oh, no. Net yet, thanks," she smiled.

Todd nodded, then scampered off, only to reappear a moment later with Ashley's drink.

The women began eating. For the first five minutes, nothing was said, then Ashley broke the silence, asking, "How's your family?"

"Everyone's doing good, for the most part." Spencer picked up one of the triangle halves of her BLT sandwich and bit off a corner. After swallowing, she continued, "My parents got divorced during my sophomore year, which no one was too shocked about, really. They'd been separated for two years before that. I was more surprised it took them that long to finalize it, you know?"

Ashley nodded. "Has either of them remarried?"

"No, not yet. My mom's had several men in her life since then. Nothing too serious, though. My dad, on the other hand -- it took him a bit longer to jump back into the dating pool. A whole year, to be exact. He's currently seeing this woman, Gail. She's really nice. They've been together for almost two months, I think. He's happy."

"That's good." Ashley's fork hovered above her plate before she spotted a piece of chicken she wanted. She speared the meat with her fork, added some lettuce, then stuffed it into her mouth. As she chewed, she watched the blond woman across the table, sipping slowly from her diet soda. Moist, pink lips wrapped around the end of the straw; neck muscles moving with each swallow. After realizing what she was doing, who she was staring at, Ashley started choking on the food in her mouth.

"Are you okay?" Spencer asked, with a soft, concern-filled look on her face.

After a few swallows of her lemonade, everything seemed to be fine. Ashley nodded, "Yeah, I'm good." She smiled, embarrassingly. "The food -- it went down wrong, that's all. Um, so," she cleared her throat, "what about Clay? How's he?"

"Oh, Clay's great. He's probably doing the best out of all of us," the photographer smiled, thankful that Ashley was interested in hearing about her family. The family was a safe topic. "He's still in school, working toward that law degree. And he recently got engaged to this girl he's been seeing for a couple years, named Rebekah. She's a great girl."

"And Glen?"

"Glen's life hasn't changed much. He's single, and working as an assistant coach for a middle school basketball team."

Ashley chuckled, "Ah, that boy. I knew he was going places."

Spencer grinned. "What about your mom? How's she?"

The smile disappeared from Ashley's face. She looked down at her plate. "Uh, my mom. I haven't spoken to her since I moved out. So, that would be... three years."

Frowning, Spencer softly said, "Ash... I'm sorry."

Ashley shrugged. "It's better this way, really. We never got along. All we did was argue."

"How about when your dad died? Did she contact you then?"

"No. We did all our communicating through lawyers."

Spencer's frown deepened. "I don't understand how a mother can do that, write her child out of her life."

"What makes you think it wasn't the other way around? That I wasn't the one to write her out of my life?"

"Oh. I, I don't know. I just assumed..."

Ashley smiled, "To be honest, it was kind of mutual. After I moved out, weeks went by and neither of us had bothered to contact the other. Before I realized it, weeks turned into months, months turned into years, and we were no longer apart of each other's lives." She took another bite of her salad. Chewed. Swallowed. "But, enough about my relationship with my mother, or lack there of. Let's talk about something else..."

Spencer accepted the request to change the subject. She started a new one off with, "Corey mentioned that you bartend on the week nights."

"Yeah, at the Radisson. Monday through Thursday. I like it. It's a lot tamer than the bar or club scene." The curly-haired woman smiled, "So, um, speaking of Corey, she's a really cool girl. I like her a lot."

Spencer nodded, smiling. "Yeah, she's amazing. She likes you a lot, too. Which is good. I was kind of worried about how that whole living situation would turn out. But it seems to be going well."

"Yeah, it's great. It's fun having her around." Ashley twirled her fork over in her hand, deep in thought. "The two of you -- you and Corey, I mean -- you guys fit, you know? You make sense." She smiled slightly. "More sense than you and I ever made."

With a furrowed brow, Spencer tilted her head to one side. "Well, I don't know about that. I think we made sense at the time."

"Well yeah, at the time, I thought we made a lot of sense too. But, now, looking back on it, I just think that maybe we were too different."

"We may have been different, but it worked. I think we balanced each other out. Our differences weren't a problem. They didn't come between us, they weren't what tore us apart..."

"Actually, they kind of did come between us and tear us apart." Ashley licked her lips, and laid her fork down on the side of her plate. She was going to do it. Finally. The truth had been gnawing at her for a couple of weeks now, ever since Spencer had come back into her life. She had to let it out. "Spence, the distance isn't why I broke up with you. I mean, it was hard being away from you, really hard, but that's not why I ended it. Not really."

Spencer was silent for a moment, trying to guess the real reason behind their breakup. Only one thing came to mind. "Was th--" Her throat tightened, preventing her from asking her question properly. She swallowed and dropped her gaze, focusing on the table's checkered tiled top. "Was there someone else?"

Ashley's eyes flicked toward the blond. "What? No!" She leaned forward, lowering her voice, "Fuck, Spencer, if I had cheated on you, I would've had enough balls to tell you. I wouldn't have kept something like that from you."

"Then, why?" Spencer asked, looking up at her ex-girlfriend, arms folded across her chest. "Why did you end it?"

"I, I guess... I guess I was scared." Ashley fell into a slouching position against the back of her chair, and rolled her eyes. She ran her palms over her face, over her forehead, feeling a headache coming on. "God, that sounds so stupid..."

"Scared of what?" the blond pressed, keeping her eyes locked on the other woman.

Dropping her hands to her lap, as well as her gaze, Ashley began to explain, in the best way she knew how, why she ended their two-year relationship more than four years ago. "Scared because I felt we were going in two different directions, you know? Like, we were growing apart. I was, I was here, in L.A., clueless about what I wanted for my future. And you were there, in New York, living out your dream of becoming a doctor." She licked her lips and lifted her gaze, eyeing Spencer for a brief moment, then looked back down at her hands, which were lying limply in her lap. "I just, I didn't see myself fitting into your life, into that dream world you were creating for yourself."

Spencer's eyes wandered to the window on her left. She watched the people passing by outside, on foot, in cars. Some in a hurry, some not. "Why didn't you tell me you were feeling this way?"

Ashley drew her head back up, returning her eyes to her lunch companion. "Because Spencer, I knew you'd try to talk me out of thinking like that. Or, worse, you'd move back here, give up on your dream, put it on hold, something. I couldn't have you do any of that. Not for me."

"So, instead of bringing your fears into it, you decided to take an easy way out by blaming my schedule, our lack of communication, and the distance for our breakup." Spencer nodded, smiling tightly, unable to stop her eyes from watering.

"I know that wasn't a good way to go about it, but I was--"

Spencer couldn't take any more of this; it was too much, too fast. Her heart couldn't take it. "You're right," she said, cutting Ashley off, while yanking her purse off the empty chair to her left, fumbling for her wallet. She fished out a ten-dollar bill and slapped it onto the table. "It wasn't." She hopped down from her chair and, without another word, made her way to the door.

"What the fuck?" Unsure, confused about what just happened, Ashley shook her head. She grabbed her own purse and added more cash to what Spencer had put down, then quickly left the table, hoping to catch up with the blond. Outside, she spotted her across the street, power walking on the sidewalk, heading in the direction of her work. As she dodged the light traffic in the street, she yelled for the blond to wait up. Getting behind her, on the sidewalk, she added, "I drove, remember?!"

"I'll walk!"

Ashley finally got close enough to touch the photographer; she grabbed her arm and turned her around. "It's six blocks, Spencer. Just let me take you back, okay?"

Facing Ashley with a squared jaw, pounding heart and blazing eyes, Spencer jerked her arm away and tucked it against her body. She brought up her other arm, and wrapped both around herself.

Roughly running a hand through her curls, Ashley sighed. "I don't understand why you're getting so upset over something that happened _four years ago_!"

"You don't get it!" Laughing, Spencer shook her head and glared at her ex. "Do you know who I blamed for our breakup? Me! _Me!_" She paused, calming down, quieting her voice, not wanting to draw other people into their business. "I spent years blaming myself, because I thought it was my fault for keeping us so far apart, for not having the time to talk to you as often as you needed me to, for not being there for you when you needed me..."

Ashley released a shaky breath of air. Feeling deflated and shitty for her actions, the decisions she made four years ago, she whispered, "I-I'm sorry, Spencer. I fucked everything up! I always do."

Spencer's features softened, but she didn't respond. She stood there, frozen, unmoving. Not sure what else to say.

Ashley moved to a bench and sat down, elbows on her knees. "You know this, this friendship thing you wanted us to try out? I really don't think it's going to work. It might be better if all I am to you is your girlfriend's roommate. Nothing more, nothing less. That's it. Let the past stay in the past." She stared at the cracked concrete under her feet. "We've both moved on. There's really no reason to be digging anything else back up if all it's going to do is bring us pain and cause us to fight."

"Wow," Spencer said, with a chuckle. "You're really good at that, huh? I guess I forgot..."

Head lifted, eyes narrowed, the brunette asked, "Really good at what?"

"Running, pushing people away."

"I'm not the one who's running away this time, Spencer."

"Whatever," the blond muttered. "You know what? Fine. If that's all you want, fine!"

Frustrated, she growled, "Goddamn it, that's not all I want! I just, I don't see how a friendship between us will work. There's too much history. It's too complicated."

Spencer lifted a hand to her forehead, rubbing it lightly, before lowering her hand, tucking hair behind her ear. "I can't do this right now; I have to get back to work."

Ashley popped up from the bench. "Let me drive you."

"I'd rather walk."

While moving forward, the brunette said, "Spence--"

Spencer stepped back, tightening her hold on her purse. "I want to be alone."

Finally, understanding, Ashley gave up, "Okay." She stared at Spencer's back as she walked away. After the blond turned a corner and was no longer in view, Ashley started on the short trek to the parking lot. When she got inside her car, she rested her forehead against the steering wheel. _Fuck, fuck, fuck._

- - -


	16. Thirteen A

_Hello, hello. Sorry for the long-ass delay (again). School, work, life - everything's been madness lately. Thank you for the feedback. It means a lot to me. It's my fuel. You guys are great. _

_Note: This half is Spencer focused; the other is all Ashley - and I'll most likely have that ready by the weekend sometime._

**Complicated.**

13a:

Spencer dropped her cell phone into her purse before tossing it onto the passenger seat. She had been calling and texting Aiden throughout the day, but hadn't gotten a hold of him once. Her lunch with Ashley had gone horribly and afterward, when she arrived back at work, everyone seemed to need something from her. It had been an exhausting, shit-filled afternoon, and she desperately needed to vent. Aiden was who she hoped to do that with. He was her best friend, they were always there for each other. He would listen and, when she was done, know all the right things to say. He always did.

With a sigh, she slid her key into the ignition and twisted it to the right, bringing the car to life. After shifting out of park, the vehicle lurched forward, escaping the parking space it had been sitting in all day long. She reached above her head, pulling a random CD free from the holder strapped to her visor. Moments later, a soft played acoustic guitar and Ben Lee's smooth voice filled the car. Spencer began singing along, concentrating on the words so that she wouldn't get caught up in her head, in thoughts of Ashley, their lunch, what was said.

Midway through the song, she heard the faint sound of her cell buzzing. She had forgotten to take it off of vibrate after work. Quickly, she reached over to her purse, taking her eyes off the road briefly to help her find the phone, since the one-handed feel around for it approach wasn't working. Finally, the small, shiny piece of silver plastic that was her cell phone came into view, buried in one corner of her bag. "Hey" was all she was able get out before her car slammed into the rear of another. Immediately after the impact, her airbag inflated, seatbelt locked -- keeping her safely in place.

Seconds went by; a weird feeling passed through her, as if her stomach was dropping. She released a loud groan and leaned back in her seat, hoping the fuzzy head and blurry vision would pass. And quickly.

Out of the corner of her eye, she spied her phone on the passenger side floorboard. Slowly, achingly, she lifted her head and, as clearly as she could, eyed the wreckage outside her windshield. The man in the other car, who she was glad to see was okay, jumped out and marched over to do some inspecting of his own. At the sight, his arms shot up in the air and waved around angrily.

Spencer's head fell against the headrest. "Shit..."

Just minutes before, after walking away from Kellinee, the useless receptionist at the front desk, her thought was that her day couldn't get any more worse.

Oh how wrong she was...

- - -

Aiden knew he was at the right spot when he saw the service crew ahead, loading Spencer's vehicle onto a tow truck. Getting closer, he finally located his friend sitting alone on the curb, with her arms wrapped around her legs, head on her knees. His eyes flicked to the rearview mirror. With no sign of another car close behind him, he turned the steering wheel slightly to the left, easing his truck onto the side of the road. Engine off, he scrambled out, making his way to Spencer.

Kneeling down beside her, he gently placed a hand on her shoulder and whispered a "hey". In response, he heard some sniffling, and, when the blond head rose, spotted damp cheeks, which Spencer quickly dried with her hands. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," the blond said, as she tugged the sleeves of her sweater over her hands.

"You're crying."

Spencer moved her elbows to her knees and pressed her forehead against her palms, tangling her fingers in her hair. She let out a long, strangled sigh. "I'm just... tired."

Aiden knew there was more going on, but this wasn't the appropriate time or place to be drilling his friend, so he let it go for now. He craned his neck and scanned the front of Spencer's car, taking in all the damage. "What happened?"

Spencer followed his gaze. "I wasn't paying attention. The light changed, but I, uh, I didn't see it."

Aiden could tell by the stutter in Spencer's voice that she wasn't in the mood to talk right now, so he decided to remain quiet.

They stayed on the curb, silently watching the two servicemen complete their task. One of the guys walked over to them a moment later, clipboard in hand, requesting Spencer's signature and filling her in on when the car would be available.

After the men were gone, Aiden stood, picked up all of Spencer's bags and slid the straps onto one of his shoulders before reaching down and offering her a hand. She took it, and he helped her to her feet. With one arm wrapped around her shoulders, he led them over to his truck. "Have you called Corey?"

Spencer shook her head. "She's got study group."

"I'm sure she'd want to--"

"I'll call her later," she hastily replied and reached for the passenger side doorhandle. Before getting into the car, she turned toward Aiden and slid her arms around his waist, pulling him into a hug. "Thank you for coming."

"You're welcome." After they pulled apart, Aiden's hands lingered on her shoulders. "You know I'll always be here for you, right?" He gave her a half-smile. "I mean, we all have that one special person who we know we can depend on, to get us out of a bind. And I consider myself reliable enough for the job." His smile turned into toothy grin. "Although, I'm not sure you have what it takes to be my go-to person." Spencer playfully pouted and slapped his arm. "I'm joking, I'm joking." He pulled the door open wider. "Now, c'mon, get in. I know what'll cheer you up."

- - -

Two scoops of vanilla ice cream on a warm fudge brownie, topped with drizzled chocolate sauce and a shiny red cherry. Spencer's mouth watered when the sundae treat, which was encased in a fancy glass, was placed in front of her. After taking care of the cherry first, she quickly reached for her spoon and dug in. The first bite was heaven, and seemed to instantly relieve some of the tension and exhaustion she had been drowning in. "You're right," she said, with a slight smile and a full mouth, "this is cheering me up."

"Ice cream, works every time," Aiden smiled, adjusting himself into a comfortable position on the barstool. "So, tell me, what's up with all the messages? I think you filled up my voicemail box."

"Oh, that," the blond sighed; the question causing her dark mood to resurface. "I went to lunch with Ashley today." She dipped her spoon back into the vanilla ice cream. "She explained why she broke with me -- the real reason."

Aiden didn't respond, and Spencer took his silence as encouragement to continue.

"She, um, told me that, at the time, she thought we were going in two different directions and that she didn't see where she fit into my life."

Aiden, again, was quiet for a moment. Processing it all, Spencer assumed. "You know," he started, "I'm not that surprised. I always had a feeling the reason for your split went much deeper than just the miles that were separating you." He picked up his spoon and applied a nice chunk of ice cream onto it. "Did she say why she decided not to tell you the truth?"

Nodding, she answered with, "She said I would've talked her out of it, or whatever."

"You would have."

"Of course I would have. She meant everything to me." Spencer ignored the tightening in her chest, and went on to say, "But, lying? Making me believe something different for why she ended it? Why we didn't last?" She shook her head, staring at the melted ice cream forming on the sides of her glass. "For years, I thought I was to blame, for moving out there, separating us, being so busy. Now, to hear that..."

Aiden's features softened and formed into a frown. "I know, I know, but she probably thought it was the best thing to do. Maybe part of her felt like she was setting you free, enabling you to move on, live your life."

"How can you do that, though? If you really love someone, how can you just let them go like that?"

"I don't know, Spence. I, I just... don't know." The dark-haired man smiled halfheartedly. "I'm probably not be the best person to turn to when the topic is relationships -- past or present ones -- since I haven't been a part of one in, well, years."

A silence washed over them as they each got distracted with their own thoughts and played with their rapidly melting ice cream. Spencer pushed her spoon down into her glass and dropped her hands to the tabletop. With her right index finger, she absently began tracing the weird design on the polished surface. "I don't understand why all of this is getting to me the way it is," she muttered, looking up at Aiden. "Why am I so angry and upset? It happened four years ago, Aiden. Four years ago. Why is everything I felt then, all the pain, heartbreak -- why is it coming back?" She swallowed, "I'm over this, past it. I am."

Aiden stared into his friend's eyes, seeing everything she had just described in them, and hesitantly added, "Maybe you're not as over it as you think."

Right then, Spencer's cell phone rang, tearing the two friends away from their conversation. Spencer dug around in her purse, searching for the noisy device. When she found it, she checked the screen, and sighed at the name that flashed across it.

_Corey._

- - -


	17. Thirteen B

**Complicated.**

13b:

Hours later, at around one a.m., Ashley walked into her dark apartment, kicking the door closed behind her. She wearily shuffled around the living room, carelessly dropping her purse onto the coffee table, then turning on one of the side table lamps to brighten up the space a bit. With a loud, heavy sigh, she fell into the sofa and slipped a round, decorative pillow over her stomach, hugging it to her body. She felt tired, drained. She hadn't spoken to or seen anyone since the disastrous lunch with Spencer. Most of her time had been spent on a Sunset Strip rooftop; the one where she had illegally spread her father's ashes two years before. It was her thinking spot. She had gotten to know the owner of the building very well over the years, since her visits were frequent, and he allowed her unlimited access.

Eyes closed, head resting against the back of the couch, she mentally went over, for the umpteenth time, the conversation she had with Spencer. She felt pretty shitty for some of the things she had said, especially after the way Spencer handled everything. She hadn't expected the blond to get that upset. Although, she hadn't expected a cool, understanding response either. Really, she had no expectations regarding Spencer's reaction because she hadn't intended to confess the real reason she ended their relationship. It wasn't on the discussion list, it wasn't planned – for that specific moment. She did want to tell her the truth, eventually, but not right then. It was kind of an impulsive admission. One that she was definitely regretting now, because for that talk, she needed to carefully go over exactly what she wanted to say beforehand. Maybe if she had, things wouldn't have turned out so badly.

_Yeah, right._

The sound of the door rattling and being unlocked pulled her out of her thoughts. Wide-eyed, she lifted her head and held her breath, hoping that whoever was entering the apartment wasn't Corey. She let out a sigh of relief when she saw that it was Jenna and Topher creeping in. 

"Hey." Jenna's eyes lingered on Ashley, then darted around the living room, taking note that the television set was off. Ashley was just sitting alone, in a semi-darkened room, at one in the morning, with nothing on to entertain herself. _That's kind of weird._ She turned back to her roommate. "You okay?"

Ashley nodded. "Fine."

Topher walked up behind his girlfriend and slid an arm around her waist, pulling her against him. "Goin' to bed?" he mumbled, as he left sloppy, wet kisses on her neck and exposed shoulder.

"Yeah, um," Jenna said, freeing herself from her drunk, horny boyfriend, "I'll be there in a little bit, just let me talk to Ashley first."

"She said she was fine; she doesn't need to talk."

Jenna turned around, facing the tall, bleach-haired man, staring up at him through the clear, smudgeless lenses of her eyeglasses. "Topher, babe, I just spent the entire night with you clinging to me possessively in a smelly, smoke-infested bar, while my ears bled, listening to a group of teenagers give the worst hardcore performance I've ever heard. Now that I'm home, I want to go up to the roof, breathe some fresh air, and talk to my roommate. Maybe get a long, hot shower afterward. But most importantly, and don't get mad," she said, nibbling on her lower lip, hoping her next comment didn't come off too hurtful, "I want some Topher-free time."

Topher sighed, disappointedly. "It's one in the fucking morning, Jen. Let's just go to bed. You can have your Topher-free time tomorrow." Smirking, he wrapped his large, rough hands around her slim, smooth neck and lightly ran the pad of his thumbs along her jaw and throat. "I want some Jenna time." He leaned in, kissing her mouth. "C'mon. Please?"

Awkwardly clearing her throat, Ashley got off the couch and gathered up her purse, preparing to leave the couple alone and go close herself up in her bedroom. "Jen, I'm fine, really. Go on."

Jenna twisted around in Topher's arms, glancing at the darker-haired woman. "No Ash, stay. I want to talk to you." She flicked her gaze back to her boyfriend, taking in his heavy-lidded expression. "Go to bed, Topher. You know you're going to pass out once you hit the fucking mattress."

"Not if you're on that mattress with me." Topher dropped his hands to her waist, drawing her towards him, closing the gap between them.

Jenna rolled her eyes and pushed the persistent man away. "I'm not tired nor am I in the mood for what you're planning."

"Dammit, Jenna," he whined, as his arms flew up in the air. "Come on!"

"No," she pressed, standing her ground, arms folded tightly across her chest.

After a brief staring contest and a muttered 'fuck, whatever', the light-haired man stumbled out of the living room and disappeared behind the brick wall, where Jenna's bedroom was located. The door was slammed closed behind him.

Ashley's lips tugged into stiff smile. "Wow. I feel all warm and fuzzy after that. The love just radiates off you two."

Jenna glared at her roommate. "I'm not really in the mood for your sarcasm right now."

"So, no sarcasm or orgasms for you tonight. Got it." Ashley's smile turned playful, while Jenna's serious expression melted, replaced with a light chuckle and an eye roll. Ashley threw her purse aside and motioned toward the staircase. "Roof?"

"Yes, please," the redhead answered, snatching her sash up from the chair, where she had tossed it after entering the apartment. "After being clogged up with cigarette smoke for the past three hours, I think my lungs would prefer we take our talk up there."

- - -

Outside, on the rooftop, Ashley draped the upper part of her body over the waist-high protective barrier that surrounded the entire roof, getting a better view of the world behind the apartment building. Her eyes darted to a flickering lamppost on the street corner below. She stared at it, hypnotically.

"So," Jenna said, adjusting her sash, covering up everything her shoulderless top didn't.

"So," the darker-haired one repeated, "what's up?"

With her head tilted back, looking up at the dark sky, Jenna pressed her backside against the ledge. "Nothing. What's up with you?" she asked, with her head falling to the side, in Ashley's direction. "And don't say 'nothing'. You're not getting away with that."

Ashley's brow crinkled. "Why are you allowed to get away with it?"

"Because."

Brown eyes shifted to the right, taking in the petite hairstylist. "Because? That's all you're giving me?"

"Because I'm the one who came home at one a.m. and found my roommate sitting alone in the dark – probably thinking about whatever it is that's bothering you." Jenna pushed away from the brick barrier and turned around, getting into a similar position as her roommate. "What's wrong? Tell me."

"And why would I do that?"

"Because you tell me everything."

"No I don't."

"Well, you should. I tell you everything."

There was a witty, sarcastic remark sitting on the tip of the brunette's tongue, just waiting to be spit out, but she held on to it and instead, returned her gaze to the faulty streetlight. She took a deep breath and kept the air in her lungs for a moment, then loudly pushed it out through her nostrils and parted lips. "I think," she started, running her tongue over dry lips, "I think I screwed up with Spencer today."

"Spencer." Jenna wasn't all that surprised to hear that her roommate's weird mood was linked to the blond. "What happened?"

"I, I told her the truth."

"About your break-up?"

Ashley nodded silently, as a frown formed. "She didn't take it very well." She paused. "Actually, that's an understatement. She totally freaked out on me; fled the restaurant, made a scene outside, then refused to let me drive her back to work."

"Let me guess, you weren't expecting such a passionate response?"

"Not really. I mean, it's been four years."

"Well, you've got to put yourself in her shoes. She was lied to."

Ashley flipped around, resting her back against the brick before reluctantly admitting, "And blamed."

"Blamed? For what?"

"The break-up. I couldn't tell her the truth, about how I was feeling, because I thought – no, _knew_ – she'd try to fight me on it, so I made up a reason for why I wanted to break things off."

"Which was?"

The brunette's eyes dropped slightly, as the memory of her unforgettable phone call with Spencer flooded her brain. "We were having some communication problems, because of her crazy schedule, so that's what I used, along with our issues with the distance."

"That's fucked up, Ash."

"Trust me, I didn't _want_ to go about things that way, but I knew it would work, that it would get to her."

While Jenna distanced herself from the ledge, from Ashley, she tugged at her sash, preventing it from slipping off her shoulders. She was about to ask another question, but before she could get it out, Ashley spoke.

"Today was a test."

Jenna turned to face and stare at the bartender, with confusion clearly painted on her features. "A test?"

"Yes, a test, well, sort of. Earlier, before it happened, I, uh, decided that I wanted this lunch to determine if a friendship between Spencer and I would ever work. And, well, we kind of failed." Ashley shook her head, eyes focused on the gravely surface beneath her boots. "I can't do it, I can't be her friend. I know she wants to try, probably for Corey's sake, to make things less awkward between all of us, but I just... I can't. It's impossible."

"Impossible? Why?"

Head lifted, Ashley replied, "Because she's... _my ex_."

"You've never befriended an ex?"

"Well, yeah, I have, but that was back in high school. And it was a guy." She sighed. "That doesn't count."

"Why? Because your ex-turned-friend was a guy? Or because it happened in high school?" Jenna asked, eyebrows scrunching together, trying to understand what her friend was trying to say. "If I'm not mistaken, your relationship with Spencer was back in--"

Moving away from the ledge, Ashley ran her hands through her hair. "It doesn't count because my feelings for him weren't the same as they were for Spencer. They weren't as... intense. I was in," she hesitated, suddenly aware of how much of her past she was exposing. She hadn't been this open about her feelings for Spencer to anyone, not since their break-up.

"You were in love with her. It's okay to admit it." Jenna studied the quiet woman in front of her, carefully. "She's the one, isn't she?"

"The one?" A dark eyebrow rose. "What are you talking about?"

"The one that messed you up, that made you who you are today."

With narrowed eyes, Ashley folded her arms across her chest. "I didn't realize I was so messed up."

Jenna sighed, "I didn't mean it like that. What I meant was, because of her, you choose not to be in relationships, you run from love." Taking a tentative step forward, she added, "Losing her – that ruined you, didn't it?"

"Jenna, I didn't lose her. You're overlooking one important fact here – _I_ broke up with _her_."

"Only because you thought she was drifting away from you and that there wasn't any room for you in her new life, right?" The hairstylist kept her eyes trained on the small woman before her. "You were still in love with her when you ended it; your feelings for her hadn't changed. Over time, you had to let her go, just like she did – you lost each other."

Ashley's brain was on overdrive as thought after thought swirled around, making her head spin, throb. Eyes squeezed shut, she reached up and pressed her fingers against her temples, thinking that would relieve the pain somehow.

"She's the reason you're afraid to let anyone in, isn't she?"

Ashley's eyes blinked open, and her arms dropped to her sides momentarily before being lifted and wrapped around herself. "No, she's not the only one, there's a long list of people who contributed to that."

"But, she tops the list, right?"

"You know what," the brunette spat out, shaking her head, keeping her eyes averted, "I don't want to talk about this anymore. It's late, I'm tired." With that, she made her way over to the roof's exit, swung open the heavy door and rushed inside, leaving Jenna alone on the rooftop.

- - -


	18. Fourteen

_Note: I want to apologize for the long, unwanted hiatus. It sucked, I know. But it's over, I'm returning my attention back to this story, and I'm hoping to wrap it up sometime this summer. Now, just so you know, I've changed some things, meaning I'm going in a slightly different direction than what I initially had planned. I like where I'm going to take it, though, and I hope you guys will too. One big change is in this very update. Not sure if any of you will catch it, but if you do, awesome. Points for you._

_--_

**Complicated.**

14:

Ashley padded into the living room, with one hand buried in her hair, flattening unruly curls, and the other carrying a mugful of coffee. After a successful journey to the couch, without spilling or sloshing the steaming liquid, she curled up into a corner, and brought the mug up to her lips and took a cautious sip.

Topher and Jenna were sharing one of the chairs adjacent to the couch, holding each other, offering an occasional kiss here and there, an obvious tell that they had made up, the juvenile fight the night before forgotten. The scene was enough to make Ashley grimace and release an unintentional groan, which received an eye roll from her roommate.

Topher pressed start on the video controller in his hand and paused the game he was playing before patting Jenna on the thigh. "Hop up, babe, I gotta take a piss."

The small redhead untangled herself from her boyfriend, stood, and collapsed onto the couch beside Ashley, snuggling up to her side. "My birthday's in two days."

Ashley nodded, and swallowed down a gulp of coffee. "I know."

"I feel so fucking old."

"You're only turning twenty-eight, Jen."

Jenna sighed, slumping further down into the couch cushions. "I know."

Ashley smiled, "That's not old."

"Sure, you can say that, you're only in your early twenties. You're not closing in on thirty soon. Thirty! Fuck!" She groaned loudly and buried her head in her hands.

"Your thirtieth birthday is still quite a ways away."

"Two years! But, that's not the point. The point is, by the age of thirty, my mother was married for ten years and beared three children."

"Um, yeah. So? You're you, your own person, Jen. Not your mother." Ashley set her coffee mug down on the side table. "Why are you freaking out about this all of a sudden? You were fine about your birthday yesterday." After she was finished speaking, it hit her. "Did you talk to your sister this morning?"

Jenna turned toward the television screen, staring at it blankly. "She called, yes."

"And, what? She made it a point, like she always does, to inform you of every milestone you haven't reached yet? Why do you let her get to you?"

"She doesn't get to me."

Lifting an eyebrow, the brunette stated, "Nora always gets to you. Look, just because she's twenty-four, married, has a kid and one on the way, and is your mom's fuckin' pride and joy doesn't mean your life is any less wonderful or fulfilling than hers. I mean, you're satisfied with your life, you're happy where you're at. Right?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, then, stop worrying about meaningless shit." Ashley picked up her cup and brought it to her lips. "And if you ask me, Nora started building her family way too young. She's pretty much thrown her life away."

"You say the sweetest things."

"What?" Ashley smirked. "Your sister's a bitch."

Jenna rolled her eyes, and picked at nonexistent lint on her t-shirt. A moment later, she looked up, "Hey, are you okay? About last night, I mean. The conversation we had..."

Ashley swallowed another big gulp of coffee before responding, "Yeah, fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

"The way you stormed off, I don't know, I thought you might've gotten upset or something."

"I didn't storm off, I just... I was tired."

"Oh, okay." Jenna nodded, not believing the brunette at all, and licked her lips. She wanted to say more, but didn't get the chance before Topher reentered the room. "Hey, babe, you want an omelet?"

Topher plopped down into the chair and swung a leg over the arm, then snatched up the controller from the coffee table and restarted the game. "Uh, yeah, sure. Sounds good."

"Okay," Jenna said, standing up from the couch. "You want one, Ash?"

"No, thanks."

The hairstylist disappeared into the kitchen and, for a while, the two remaining in the living room stayed quiet. Ashley stared down into her nearly empty mug, while Topher stayed focused on his video game.

"Um, hey," Topher whispered.

Ashley lifted her eyes. "What?"

"Jen's birthday is comin' up."

"Yeah, I know. We were just talking about it."

"Oh, well, I thought maybe we could throw her a party. Like, a surprise thing. She'd be okay with that, right?"

"I don't know. I'm not sure she likes to make a big deal about her birthday."

"I know that, but I thought it'd be cool. The guest list wouldn't be too big or anything, just some close friends."

"Where would the location of this party be?"

"Here, on the roof, or something."

"This is kind of last minute. Her birthday's two days away."

"Okay, whatever." Topher dropped the controller onto the floor and pushed himself up from his chair. "I just thought it'd be nice to throw my girlfriend, your best friend, a party for her birthday. But if you don't think it's a good idea, then we won't do it. You'll get your way, like you always do."

Ashley shook her head, muttering, "God, you're such a fuckin' prick."

"If you say so," the man spat out before stomping into the kitchen.

Corey appeared right then, from the hallway, and drew her eyebrows together. "What's his deal?"

"He's being a pussy, like usual."

"Ah, gotcha." Corey smiled, showing off her dimple. She lowered her head and fiddled with her iPod, choosing a playlist. "Well, I'm going out for a run." She glanced up at Ashley as she stuck her earphones in. "See you later."

"Oh, okay. See ya." Ashley watched her leave, then picked up the remote and flipped through the t.v. channels, not really searching for anything to watch, just surfing.

Lately, Corey had been... distant. They had told each other that there was no weirdness, tried to hang out together one on one, bond, get to know each other, but it always felt forced, as if they were trying to form a friendship, when neither really wanted one. Corey was nice, sweet, fun. A great girl. Ashley wanted to like her and she knew, if the situation was different, she probably would, but it just wasn't happening. Because of Spencer.

Ashley got off the couch and, coffee cup in hand, shuffled to her bedroom. Door closed behind her, she retrieved her cell from her purse and speed dialed Aiden. "Hey, it's Ash, what's up?"

"I'm preparing. My son, Jeremy, is having his first haircut today, and I'm going to be there to document this precious moment on film. Camera duty – it's part of the Dad role, you know. And I'm all for embracing that."

"Uh-huh," Ashley smiled. "Sherry roped you into it, huh?"

"Of course not, I volunteered."

"Riiight."

"Hey, is Corey there?"

"No, she just left to go on a run."

"Ah, damn. I need to talk to her sometime today."

"Why? What's up?"

"Nothing, just, well, I promised Spencer yesterday that I'd take her to pick up a rental car today, but I completely forgot about my plans with Jeremy and Sherry. So, I'm hoping Corey's available to replace me. Or, more fittingly, bail me out."

"Rental car?" Ashley's face scrunched up. "Why does Spencer need a rental car?"

"She was in an accident yesterday; messed her car up pretty bad."

"An accident?" Ashley's heartbeat quickened and she straightened, sitting on the edge of her bed, bare feet planted on the carpet flooring. "Is she okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. She's fine. Just, you know, a little stressed out. Yesterday was a, uh, shitty day for her." The pleasant tone in Aiden's voice dropped before he added, "But you know that already."

"Um, what?"

"Oh c'mon, Ash, don't pretend like you have no clue what I'm talking about. Yesterday, your lunch with Spencer. You know, when you finally admitted what a coward you are? Four years too late, don't you think?"

Ashley rolled her eyes. "Aiden, you have no idea what you're talking about, so maybe you should shut the fu--"

"You killed your relationship with Spencer, because you were scared about the future and where you would fit in. But you couldn't admit that you were actually afraid of something, could you? No. Ashley Davies isn't supposed to be a little pussy. She's tougher than that. So, what did you do? You blamed the break-up on Spencer."

Ashley clenched her jaw. "That's not--"

"Do you know what that did to her? Huh? It wrecked her, Ash. She gave up on everything. That's why she didn't make it through her first year of pre-med. I know she's got you believing that she quit, that she didn't want it, that she was just doing it to make Paula happy, but she wanted it, Ash. She wanted to be a doctor. She wouldn't have moved away from you to pursue something that didn't mean shit to her.

"She loved you so much. Can you even say the same?"

"Are you fucking kidding me? Aiden, really? You, of all people, know how I felt about her."

"No, what I know is you lead people on, make them believe things that aren't true. I've been there, remember?"

Ashley fell back on the bed and covered her face with her hand. "You know what? I used to think there was no one else in the world who knew me better than you. Now, now I'm realizing you didn't know me at all." With that, she ended the call, threw the phone across the room, where it skidded across her desk top, knocking over whatever happened to be in its path. She felt her throat tighten and her eyes begin to water. "Fuck! Fuck you, Aiden!"

--


	19. Fifteen

_Thank you for the replies, and for not giving up on this story. I'm sorry you all had to wait so long. But I promise, from here on out, there'll be more frequent updates. Like I said in the notes before the last chapter, I plan on finshing this up sometime during the summer._

**--**

**Complicated.**

15:

Corey stood, hands stuffed in her jean pockets, staring down at the 'welcome' mat on the ground under her scuffed up Vans, and mentally flitted through how she wanted the scene mere seconds away from happening to go. Smooth, calm, controlled. That's how she hoped it would unfold, but she had to be more realistic than that. Spencer's current mood was a mystery. And as much as she wanted to just allow Spencer to talk, explain what happened and be done with it, which was normally how these things went, part of her was just too upset. She needed to get her own point across this time.

The latch on the opposite side of the door was finally released. She looked up, put on a neutral front, and prepared herself to be greeted by the beautiful blond.

"Hey," Spencer said, lips curling into a genuine smile.

Corey flicked her eyes to the right and left before zeroing in on her girlfriend. "Oh, so you do remember who I am?"

Confused by the statement, the photographer replied, "Uh, yeah, of course I remember who you are."

"I guess that rules out my theory of temporary amnesia then. Damn."

Spencer remained clueless. Or remained acting clueless. Corey wasn't sure which. With a tilted head and a nervous laugh, the long-haired blond went on to say, "What's going on? What's this about?"

"Nothing much, just your car accident. You know, the one you had yesterday and didn't bother telling me, your girlfriend, about."

Spencer closed her eyes before leaning her forehead against the door. After a few seconds, she sighed and stepped back, swinging the door open along with her by its handle. Corey took that as an invitation into the apartment. 

Without saying a word, Spencer disappeared into the kitchen. Corey stood uncomfortably in the middle of the living room, with Charlie, the perky golden retriever, sniffing her pants and shoes. When Spencer returned, she was carrying two already opened bottles of beer. She offered one to Corey.

"I was going to tell you about that..."

Corey watched the other woman carefully, taking in all her nervous body language. Tilted head, no eye contact, shifting feet, free hand buried in back pocket. "You were?" she finally asked.

"Of course. Why wouldn't I?"

Corey just shrugged and brought her beer up to her lips for a slow sip.

"Who told you?"

"Aiden told Ashley this morning, and she mentioned it to me after I got home from my run. I guess he must've figured I already knew, because he wanted me to take you to get a rental car. He had other plans and couldn't fit it in today like he had thought."

"Oh..." Spencer dropped her gaze, pulled her hand out of her pocket and ran a finger down the neck of her beer bottle. "I'm sorry."

Corey, instead of accepting the apology or responding, dropped to her knees and finally gave the sweet dog beneath her the attention he desperately wanted. She rubbed and scratched his long, soft coat with her free hand.

Spencer quietly moved forward and eased down onto the edge of the coffee table, placing herself directly in front of the younger woman. "What are you feeling right now?"

Corey glanced up, but continued scratching Charlie behind the ear. "I don't know. Disappointed, I guess... A little jealous."

"Jealous?"

She nodded, "Of Aiden."

"Aiden?"

"Yeah. Why are you so shocked by that?

"I'm just not sure why you'd be jealous of Aiden. He's my friend, Corey."

"I know. I'm not really jealous of _him_. It's more about what he represents. Your number one, go-to person." Corey gave the dog one last pat on the back and stood up. She dropped down next to Spencer, on the blond's right, took a quick sip of beer, then continued, "I want to be the one who gets the first call, the one you turn to, the one you need. And after what happened yesterday, I don't even feel like I'm on your call list."

Once again, Spencer's gaze fell, "I, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I made you feel that way. I'm sorry I didn't call, I know I should have. I... I guess I'm just not used to this. I mean, I haven't been in many serious relationships over the years, I've mostly been on my own, so I'm not used to depending on or getting support from someone I'm with."

"I know, Spence. I understand that. But, you were in a car accident. Did the thought of calling and telling me you were okay even come up? Because if it didn't--"

"Yes, I thought about calling you," the photographer quickly cut in, with her eyes raised, meeting Corey's. "Of course I did."

"Then, why didn't you?"

"I, I don't know... so much shit happened yesterday, I was tired. So tired. Of everything. I knew if I called you, you'd get worried, come straight here and start fussing over me. And I didn't want that last night. I wanted to be alone."

"Spencer," Corey set her beer down and scooted closer, "when you're not in the mood for my company, all you have to do is say so. For instance, last night, if you had told me not to come over, I wouldn't have come. I respect your wishes."

Spencer shook her head. "I can't just tell you not to come over."

"Why not?"

"It's... it's mean."

Corey smiled, "No, it's not. Trust me. I would've understood. Besides, I've dated my share of women in the past, I know when I am and when I'm not wanted around. So next time, when you need a break, or you just want to be alone, tell me. Don't just not say anything, or avoid me altogether. I'm not a big fan of that."

In response, Spencer placed her right hand on the coffee table, fingers splayed, and leaned forward to press her lips against Corey's. One kiss turned into two, then three, then twelve. Corey's hands were wrapped around the back of Spencer's head, tangled in hair, while the photographer concentrated on sucking her tongue.

Spencer blindly sat her beer down near Corey's and moved her hands up the younger woman's jean covered thighs. She released the tongue that her lips were wrapped around, exchanging it for a cherry ChapStick flavored bottom lip. "Couch," she managed to get out, as she nipped the lip with her teeth. "Mm, c'mon."

Corey allowed herself to be pulled up from the coffee table and moved to the couch, where she was pushed down into a sitting position and straddled.

Before diving back into things, Spencer's hands dropped to the hem of her t-shirt and in one quick motion it was up, over her head, and onto the floor.

Corey put her hands on the blond's now naked torso and shifted forward, placing a few feather-light kisses along the area between Spencer's breasts, which were still covered up by a light blue bra. "Hey, wait, um..." she said suddenly, pulling back, "you're okay, right?" She shook her head, clearing it of its haziness for the moment to ask, "I mean, in the accident, you weren't hurt or anything, were you? I was just joking about the temporary amnesia thing earlier, 'cause Aiden said you were okay..."

"Yeah, no, I'm fine."

"How did it happen? Was it your fault?"

Spencer, not wanting to lose the moment they were currently in, began unsnapping the front of Corey's rockabilly western-style shirt. "Yeah, it was my fault. I didn't see that the light was red and ran into the back of another car. I wasn't paying attention. My mind was all over the place."

"Work stuff?"

Glancing up, meeting her girlfriend's now concerned but still hungry eyes, the photographer swallowed. "Yeah, work stuff."

--


	20. Sixteen

**Complicated.**

16:

Spencer unlatched and opened the tailgate on Corey's truck, and hoisted herself up into a sitting position. She set her camera bag beside her and unzipped the large compartment, where she kept her Cannon camera. Before she could pull it out, Corey walked up and moved between her legs, which were dangling over the edge of the hatch.

"You goin' in the water?" the short, choppy haired woman asked, placing her hands on Spencer's naked thighs.

"Not yet. I want to sit, do some people watching first."

"Okay. I might go in for a few minutes."

Right then, a shirtless Aiden scampered up, bouncing his nearly eight-month-old son, Jeremy, around in his arms with each step. "Hey, you guys made it. Bailey and Aimee are on their way." Bailey and Aimee were co-workers of Aiden's. They were a married couple with a set of fraternal twins that would sometimes join Aiden and Jeremy for little play dates. Like the one today, apparently.

"I didn't know they were coming."

"I invited them at the last minute. That's okay, right?"

Spencer quickly nodded, "Yeah, sure. Of course. It's just... I thought this was a grownup outing."

Aiden bent down and picked up the orange plastic shovel that Jeremy dropped. "The kids won't be a problem. You won't even know there here."

Under her breath, Spencer mumbled, "I doubt that."

Corey scooted away from her girlfriend and touched Aiden's son's head, rubbing his new little faux hawk. "Spiffy haircut, little guy."

"It looks good, doesn't it?" Aiden's face brightened. "All the little girls on the beach are fawning over him, so I've been keeping him in my arms for protection."

Corey grinned, "Seven and a half months old and already has the girls all over him."

"Well, he is his father's son," Aiden beamed. "We were in the middle of building a sand castle. Would you mind helping him finish it? I want to talk to Spencer for a moment."

"No, I don't mind at all." Corey held her arms out, and cooed, "C'mere, monkey."

Aiden handed the baby and shovel over, then patted Jeremy on the bottom and kissed the back of his head. "Be good for Corey. Don't throw sand on her." While Corey and Jeremy moved down the beach, Aiden saddled up next to Spencer on the back of the truck. "She's good with him."

Spencer nodded. "Yeah. She's very nurturing."

"She'll make a great mother, I bet. Maybe you two should start talking--"

"Uh, no," the blond interrupted, shaking her head. "We've only been together for five months, Aiden. You think I'm ready to start having kids with her? I'm not even ready to live with her yet."

"Spencer, calm down. I was joking." Aiden smiled.

Spencer relaxed, inhaled a large gulp of air, then pushed it out through her nostrils.

"What the hell is wrong with you today?"

"Sorry, I... I've been a little on edge the last few days. I don't know why."

Aiden glanced at his friend out of the corner of his eye, spying as she nervously pushed some hair behind her ear, then returned his gaze to Corey and Jeremy further down the beach. "I think I know why. It starts with an A and ends with a Y."

Spencer rolled her eyes. "Ashley has nothing to do with it."

"Come on, she got to you. The other day, after your accident, when I took you out for ice-cream, you were upset. Because of her."

"Yeah, I'll admit, I was a little upset. She lied about our break-up. But, so what? It was four years ago. It doesn't matter now. I'm over it."

"Doesn't seem like you are to me."

"Well, I am. Okay? So, just... drop it."

"I talked to her yesterday. She called me."

"Why?"

Aiden shrugged. "To see what's up, I guess. The conversation didn't last long, we ended up getting into an argument. Well, not necessarily an argument, I was doing most of the talking, so I guess you could say, I was telling her off, giving her a piece of my mind."

"About what?"

"I kind of told her she was a coward."

"I thought you were on her side."

"Excuse me? What?"

"The other day, at the ice cream parlor, you were defending her."

"I was not."

"Then, what was all that 'maybe she thought the breakup was the best thing to do, that she was setting you free, so you could move on, live your life' talk?"

"I was trying to make you feel better, Spence. You were more than a little heated about everything that day."

"Okay, fine. You told her she was a coward. Anything else?"

"Um, maybe. I don't remember."

Spencer narrowed her eyes. "You're lying."

Aiden shifted. His bathing suit had dried and was now hard and crinkly from the sand, making his skin itch. "I might've mentioned, uh," he stumbled, "what the breakup did to you, what you went through."

Spencer faced forward, briefly scanned the beach, watched the waves crash to the surface. "You didn't tell her that I had to drop pre-med, did you?" she asked, holding her breath, waiting for him to respond. He didn't. That told her everything. "Shit, Aiden." She ungracefully jumped down from the truck, regained her balance, and pressed her palms against her forehead.

"I'm sorry. I was kind of on a roll, it slipped out." Aiden hopped down, and moved closer to his distressed friend. "Does it really matter if she knows? I don't understand why you came up with that Paula story in the first place."

"Maybe because I didn't want her to know how much she – our breakup – affected me. It obviously wasn't a big deal to her."

"What wasn't? The breakup?"

"Our breakup, our relationship. All of it. I mean, who breaks up with someone they've been with for two years over the phone? Someone who doesn't care anymore. And in my case, someone who may have never cared."

"Are you guys okay?"

Spencer and Aiden twirled around and met a pair of worried expressions.

"Oh, we're fine," Aiden spoke first, putting on a smile for his friends. "Glad you guys could make it. A day at the beach wouldn't be fun without ya." He slapped Bailey's hand and pulled him close to bump shoulders. "How are you?"

"Good, good. I think the twins are ready to get in the water."

"Let's not keep them waiting any longer then. Come on."

Spencer stayed by the truck, arms wrapped around her waist, wishing she had skipped the beach. So many emotions were flowing through her, needing to be released. Normally, she would keep everything bottled up, but lately, she discovered that letting things out was better. Healthier. If she could just release everything she felt over her breakup with Ashley, she would be free, she would no longer suffer through the feeling of internal suffocation.

But how? How do you let go of four years of pain and heartbreak and anger?

She snatched up her camera and started walking away from the beach.

--

Ashley stepped out onto the rooftop and released the heavy door, letting it close loudly, startling the young man lying sprawled out on a blanket. With her arms folded and head cocked to the side, she asked, "What are you doing?"

Topher picked up the butt that had fallen out of his mouth and onto his chest after the door slammed, sat up, and crossed his legs. "Relaxing."

Ashley moved closer. "Jenna's not even here."

"Uh, so?"

"So, go home. This isn't your apartment."

Topher brushed his chest off, and stuck the joint back in his mouth, taking another hit. "I wasn't bothering you." He looked up at her with one squinty eye, the other closed, trying to block out the sunlight shining above her. "The sun is bright."

"No shit." Ashley sat down across from her roommate's boyfriend, and held out her hand. "Pass it." Topher wisely obeyed. "Did Jen give you a key?"

The light-haired man buttoned his shirt, and once he was finished, realized some of the buttons were in the wrong holes. He smirked, "Ha."

Ashley shook her head. "You're so stoned." She nudged his knee with the bottom of her shoe. "Answer my question."

"Key? Key? Fuck yeah, I have a key. Jenna's my girl, and this is her apartment, so I get a key, 'cause... 'cause I just do."

Ashley smiled, and held up the sloppily self-rolled joint. "This must be some good shit."

"If you're not gonna smoke any, give the shit back."

Ashley wrapped her lips around the end of the joint and slowly inhaled. The first puff filled her lungs. She waited a moment, took another hit, then passed it back. "Topher, do you have any regrets?"

"What?"

"Regrets, Topher." The marijuana was quickly taking effect, targeting her brain, clouding up her thoughts. "Do you have any regrets?"

"Fuck, this isn't one of those serious, girly-girl chats, is it? I don't know how to do those."

"Would you just answer my fucking question?" she asked, punching him in the thigh.

He jerked back, pulling his leg up. "Ah, dammit. Bitch. That really hurt. You're abusive."

"Only towards you."

Topher shook his head, "What was the question again?"

"Do you have any regrets?"

"Yeah, I guess." He shrugged. "Doesn't everybody?"

"I don't know. Maybe." Ashley pulled her knees up against her chest and picked at the tear in her jeans, where her bare knee peeked through. "What are your regrets?"

"Ugh, this _is_ one of those girly-girl chats," he whined, making a face.

"No, it's not. Answer," she said, holding up her fist, threatening another strike.

"Alright, alright. Jesus," Topher mumbled, scooting away a little more. "Regrets... regrets... I don't know. I guess I regret putting Jenna through so much shit in the beginning of our relationship. I was fucked up back then, and I know that's not an excuse, but..." he trailed off, rubbing his eye with the same hand that was holding the joint. "I've been trying to get my act together, maintain some kind of sta-stab--"

"Stability."

"Yeah. Stability." He sighed. "I don't know if it's working, though. She doesn't trust me much; I don't think she ever will."

Ashley stared at him, and for the first time she saw how much he cared about Jenna. Funny that he had to be high for her to see it. "You really love her, don't you?"

"Yeah. She's changed me, made me better. I never want to let her go." Topher stared off into space for a moment, then lifted his eyes, "So, uh, regrets?"

Ashley licked her lips, and reached for the joint. "I only have one, really."

"Okay."

Needing a little push, some courage, she took a hit. "A few years ago, I gave up something, something that meant... everything to me. That loved me." She squeezed her eyes shut. "I thought, at the time, that I had to. But now I'm realizing I should've held onto it, because I don't think I'm ever going to get it back." She swallowed, opened her eyes, stared at the glazed-eyed rocker in front of her. "And I want it back."

--


	21. Seventeen

_i know, i know, it's been forever. i've been slackin'. sorry about that. so, so sorry. hopefully this update will make up for it a little bit. thank you to everyone who continues to leave comments. you guys are what's keeping this story going._

_ravenjetticon - you always give super feedback, so thank you for that. also, in this chapter, i've worked in some of what you mentioned in your last comment regarding ashley. i hope you like what i've come up with. :_

**--**

**Complicated.**

17:

Ashley shuffled through the hallway, barely awake, bumping into walls. She passed the living room and stopped in the kitchen doorway, finding the source of the banging noise that had woken her up. Pans were scattered on the floor, the garbage can was overflowing with burnt pieces of bread and trash, the coffee pot was running, the stove top was messy, the refrigerator door was standing wide open. "What the hell is going on?"

Topher, who was standing with his back turned, facing the stove, swirled around, looking tired and defeated. "You have to help me. I, I," he stuttered, motioning around the kitchen, "I'm lost. And I'm going crazy."

"Help you do what, exactly?" the brunette asked, eyeing the disaster area.

"What does it look like? Cook. I'm trying to make a special birthday breakfast for Jenna, but, as you can see, things aren't going as well as I had expected."

"You expected them to go well? With the way you cook?"

"Shut up. I can cook breakfast. Usually."

"You mean, prepare? You don't cook cereal, Topher. It's pour and eat."

Topher waved the sarcastic brunette off, turning back to the stove. "Whatever. Don't bother. I'll figure it out."

Rolling her eyes, Ashley moved into the kitchen, stepping over the pans laying on the floor, and snatched the spatula from Topher's hand. "Get me the pancake mix."

--

Spencer lifted her head, staring at her reflection, taking in her freshly scrubbed face, blond hair piled on top of her head, toothbrush sticking out of one side of her mouth. Looking deeper, beyond her physical appearance, she could see the tension and stress and exhaustion that had been building up within her over the past few weeks.

A month ago, life was good. Fun. Happy. Calm. Easy. Today, life was... stressful. Chaotic. Hard. Difficult. Miserable. Spencer wanted to blame it all on Ashley. And say that, in a month, her ex had screwed everything up in her life. Knocked everything off its nice, well-balanced surface. But that wasn't true. No, Ashley wasn't the cause. She, herself, was. The unresolved, buried feelings of anger and sadness she had over their breakup were the cause. Ashley's reappearance may have resurrected the feelings, but it was Spencer's fault for not dealing with them four years ago, when the breakup occurred. She wasn't ready then. But now, she was. She wanted it all to go away. Be over with. Resolved. However, for that to happen, she needed to finally release... well, everything. And soon. The anger she had leftover had been stewing for days. The littlest thing could set her off. She was ready to explode. Any minute.

She placed the toothbrush back in its holder and rinsed her mouth. While drying her face off with a towel, a pair of arms encircled her waist from behind, soft lips brushed against her neck, making her shiver. She swallowed and lowered the hand towel, taking in her girlfriend's reflection.

"Morning, beautiful," the shaggy haired woman murmured, smiling into the mirror.

"Morning," she said, managing a smile. Small and tight. Which Corey quickly saw through. Her girlfriend was a careful observer. She was always able to sense if something was off. See past the facade. Which, right now, Spencer found incredibly annoying.

"You okay?"

"Fine." Spencer stepped out of the embrace and inched toward the door. "I have a phone call to make. If you want to take a shower, go right ahead," she said, needing to get away from her girlfriend, before she bit her head off. Corey was in the line of fire, but wasn't the one the bomb was meant for. "It's all yours."

"Okay, thanks," the younger blond said, still looking concerned. "Hey, Spence..."

Spencer slowly turned around, facing her girlfriend.

Corey licked her lips, hesitating briefly, before deciding to push forward, "There's a party tonight. It's a surprise thing for Jenna's birthday. I thought, if you wanted, we could go, have some fun, maybe de-stress a little." She paused, flicking her eyes from Spencer to the mirror and back again. "I know work's been a bitch for you lately--"

"Yeah, okay," the blond said snappily, cutting the other woman off, "A party sounds good."

--

Ashley lifted the spatula and scooped up the last pancake, transporting it from the frying pan to a plate sitting near the stove. After flipping the burner off, she peeked over her shoulder, glancing at Topher, who was leaning against the island counter, arms folded across his chest, eyes closed. "Is the coffee ready?" she asked, startling him.

Topher nodded, sleepily.

The brunette placed the plate of food onto a wooden tray and arranged everything, including a 'Happy Birthday' card and a tulip (Jenna's favorite flower), into a presentable set up. Satisfied, she stood back and admired the display.

Topher pushed away from the counter and stood next to Ashley, eyeing the meal, rubbing his hands together. "Whoa, nice." He smiled at Ashley. "Thank you. Really. I wouldn't have been able to pull any of this off without you."

"Definitely not," the brunette remarked, with a smile. "You're welcome."

"Don't worry about the cleanup, I'll take care of it later." Topher added the mug of coffee he had prepared and eased the tray from the counter top. "This is totally going to get me laid."

"Yeah," the brunette agreed. "You owe me. Big."

Topher gaver her a wide grin and, with tray in hand, carefully began backing out of the kitchen. "Don't expect us for a couple hours."

"Hours? Exaggerate much?"

"Why don't you hop on sometime and see how long you can ride?" Topher asked, grinning evilly.

Screwing up her face in disgust, Ashley shot back, "I'd rather cut out my tongue, which is a muscle I'm quite fond of, than give you a test drive."

"Eh, your loss," the young man replied, before disappearing through the kitchen doorway.

Ashley shook her head, and, despite his offer, began picking up the mess. Topher had enough to worry about today with the party and everything, he wanted to make this day as special as possible for Jenna, and so far, he was succeeding. Making breakfast and cleaning the kitchen was the least she could do.

--

On the floor, sitting Indian style, surrounded by several scrunched up paper balls, Ashley strummed her acoustic guitar. Writing didn't come easy to her. When she sat down with her guitar, a pad and pen, songs didn't instantly pour out of her. It was a frustrating process. One that took hours. Sometimes days. Especially when she was lacking inspiration. Which, lately, was every day.

"Ah, screw it," she mumbled, setting the guitar aside, pressing her back against the side of her bed. How could she write a song when she couldn't even focus? Too much was going on inside her head. Thoughts she had no business having were swirling around. And around. And around.

Spencer, Spencer, Spencer.

Ever since the phone call with Aiden, she couldn't get her ex-girlfriend off her mind.

Four years ago, she fucked everything up. Not just her relationship, but Spencer's schooling, medical career, future. It all crumbled, because, as Aiden put it, she was a coward. A scared, stupid coward.

Spencer was supposed to get over their breakup. Get passed it. Move on. Put her focus into school. Live out her dream. Become a doctor.

That didn't happen, though. And Ashley, feeling responsible for ruining Spencer's future, life, dream, was left with a huge sense of guilt.

And regret.

Spencer was in love. With Corey, not her. She had moved on, opened herself up to someone else. And Ashley was supposed to be happy for her. Happy that she was happy. Instead, knowing Spencer was so happy and in love, seeing it, killed her. She was dying inside. Day by day, minute by minute.

She wanted that life. She wanted Spencer. She wanted to love Spencer and be loved by Spencer, because nothing felt as amazing as that. She knew. She had it; she was once on the receiving end of Spencer's 'I love yous'.

But she gave it up.

Even though she was completely and totally in love with Spencer, at the time, she was the one who ended it, making her future a Spencer-less one. She had to carry that on her shoulders for the rest of her life. Somehow, over the years, she was able to cope with it a little bit. Getting rid of the reminders of the blond helped. But now, with the return of Spencer in her life, she was back to struggling.

Spencer was the love of her life. No one would ever come close. No one else had loved her, understood her, accepted her the way that Spencer had. Of course, over the last few years, she hadn't given anyone a chance to, but she was certain, despite that, in the years to come, no one would compare to Spencer Carlin. No one.

She had started reliving their past in her head, remembering, finally facing the mistakes she had made so long ago. Wishing she could go back, fix things. But there was no going back. All she had left were the memories.

Memories.

Steadily, she got to her feet and moved to the closet, pulling down a shoe box from the top shelf. Opening it up, for the first time in years, she was struck with images of that happier time. Photos, notes, songs she had written about Spencer, ticket stubs, cards, an engraved bracelet, dried up flowers. It was all there. Pieces of her past. With Spencer.

Swallowing down the lump in her throat, she plucked a photo from the many that were scattered about the bottom. It was a still shot of the both of them. In it, she was looking at the camera, smiling brightly, while Spencer, who's arms were wrapped around her neck, kissed the side of her mouth.

A stray tear rolled down her cheek. She roughly wiped it away. "Fucking pathetic," she muttered, shoving the photo back into the box, closing the lid. There was a reason she hadn't opened it in all these years. It hurt too much; seeing what she had given up.

--


End file.
